Civil War

            by Nate Haile

 

The good thing about the holidays are of course less school days, not having to wake up early in the morning and a big mosaic refrigerator which would anomaly have me gain eight pounds and leave left over for weeks. The bad things are excessive homework’s, long projects and all the questions about school, college and my future that awaits me at the family dinner. The one bad thing that has been getting annoyingly worse each year is the animosity between all of my siblings in the U.S. There all disputatious, stubborn and know nothing of forgiveness. In 2003-04 we would all celebrate thanksgiving dinner at my sister Samantha’s apartment. She’s definitely one of the best chefs in the family and enjoyed cooking a lavish feast for us. Before everyone left I reminded them of the name they had to pick out of the hats to buy presents for on Christmas. I didn’t have to buy anyone anything since I didn’t have a job, but I would still make each of them cards and express my appreciation. They all had to buy me gifts and I always beguiled them into asking me what I wanted for Christmas. I would time one of them perfectly coming into my bedroom and I’d act as if I didn’t hear them because I was studying too hard. If I was really desperate I would miss my favorite primetime shows and tell my siblings I’d rather do my reading instead. These tricks always worked and were rewarding.

 

I would usually watch Holiday movies days before Christmas and remember all the lyrics to my favorite holiday songs. On Christmas day all of my siblings would head to my brother David’s apartment with their gifts and dishes. When I helped get all the presents under the tree I could easily tell which one was mine and if someone didn’t show up with anything for me then it probably was a gift card. We spent the morning hours watching NBA games and enjoying each others company. Once everyone was in the living room, David would use phone card to make a long distance phone call to our mother in Ethiopia and put her on speaker. The phone only ranged once as if she was waiting for it to ring. “Ooh God,” she yelled. “How have you guy’s been? Are all of you there? Is everyone alright? She asked. She would end the phone conversation crying because she was so relieved that we were a strong family who took care of one another. She didn’t have to worry about us arguing and getting in trouble. We cried too.

                                                

Lots of guests would arrive but none that were my age or brought presents for me. Around 6pm David and his Wife Sophia would take me to Sophia’s aunt’s Christmas dinner. I looked forward to going there every year because of the food and the conversations on sports with kids my age. I would make sure I wouldn’t eat as much so I could save my apatite for deserts. I loved those day’s. I was spoiled, gullible and happy.

 

 

            When I went to middle school my friends would usually complain about their parents not giving them enough privacy, allowances, responsibilities, trust and freedom. It was then that I realized nobody really watched over me. I seriously could have been one of those boys hanging in out on the corner drinking, smoking, stealing, fighting and

Getting into varies other trouble. But I didn’t. I’d spend my spare times playing basketball and doing something to keep me occupied. I had a diverse group of friends. Mostly Bosnians, Laos, Vietnams, Somalia’s, and a few Ethiopians. There were about nine of us and we always stayed in a pack. Normally after school everyone would follow Dino to his apartment in West Macarthur. Dino was a tall, blond, green eye Bosnia boy who had a habit for getting into trouble. On the way there they would steal car logo’s, candy’s from liquor stores and once they tried to make their special after school program more exiting by attempting grand theft auto. They stopped asking me to come after I committed to a school club called project YES. In the club we were educated on recycling, reusing, gardening and staying organized. We would go around the classrooms, hallway and playground and clean all the litter. On the weekends we went to homeless shelter to feed the homeless, gardens to plant and beaches to clean. My friends thought of me as cryptic for being apart of this. The person in charge of the program was Christine. She’s an Asian woman in her early twenties with short hair down to her neck. After one of our meeting my friends were waiting for me in the hallway cursing, play fighting and being loud.

“Are those your friends?” Christine curiously asked hoping for a no answer. From where Christine was looking my friends looked like a coalesce of wolfs waiting for there prey.           

“Yeah they are,” I replied. I knew these were the last group of kids she’d expect me to hang out with.

“Ooh, there very diverse,” she said. Nice excuse I thought to myself. 

 

My older sister, Alice had been my legal guardian ever since my mother left me in the U.S. Growing up with her was frustrating, stressful and annoying. She’s stubborn, jealous and constantly seeking for attention. Many of her qualities angered me and wanted to run away. If I needed to register for school or a YMCA program I would forge her signature because I couldn’t stand explaining anything into her thick skull. When her friends would get married I could easily sense her jealousy. This made her quarrel even more active towards me. She was 25 years old when I barged into her life. She didn’t want to have full responsibilities of me. She wanted to live her life. Partying, traveling, getting laid was all the stuff she couldn’t do because a 25lbs 4 year old boy came into the picture.

One of our guest we happened to have in our house knew I was a basketball fan and player and asked me “Do you want to play in the NBA?” she asked

“Off course ahh…”

“Ha ha ha ha. Do you think he’s going to make it? Look how short and skinny he is? Get out of here” Alice interrupted.

 

            I had three missed calls from David while I was playing basketball at the YMCA. I called him up and he immediately started yelling. “Why don’t you answer your phone? Didn’t I tell I would pick up at eleven o’clock? You’re unbelievable you know that” And why are you at the YMCA? You know what just wait for me outside”, he yelled. David became harder on me as I got older. He was the closest I ever had to a father. He pulled up with his car that got into an accident three weeks ago. It looked as if several trucks ran over it. “Why are you playing basketball in the morning” he asked

“To work on my game, besides I don’t know how long this immigration paper work is going to take,” I answer already annoyed.

“Why don’t you read a book, newspaper or study instead of wasting your time playing a competitive sport that you’ll never succeed in?” he asked.

“I find time to do all that stuff and keep my grades up,” I answered hoping he’ll change the subject.

“Did you think about it? Have you made you decision yet?” he asked

Shit, here we go again I thought to myself. “I really don’t want to be a doctor. I can’t stand seeing people in pain.” 

“You’re stupid you know that. If I was your age and had the opportunity you have I would be a doctor. Don’t end up like Susan Okay. Look at her, she still in college. She has failed our family.”

Maybe if you never tried to control her and kick her out your house she would have been able to focus on school and graduated by know. I thought to myself. I hated when he talked about my siblings in that way. Just because he was the first in our family to graduate from high school he thinks he could critic us as if he was any better. He made mistakes too. I found pictures off him smoking cigarettes while he told me to not smoke because he never did and dressed in a certain way he told me would have you rejected from a job. Nobody ever asked him why he didn’t attend college. They assumed he knew what he was doing since he got his high school diploma. It’s ironic because he was the one who got me started to play basketball.

 

            Susan is the second youngest in the family. David helped her get in the U.S. and enrolled her in Berkeley High School her junior year. Tom my third oldest brother also has a serious anger towards Susan. They got into a heated argument while they were roommates in a studio apartment. Apparently they didn’t like each other living habits. Susan also had her difference with Alice and Samantha. Susan decided to live on her own while attending school and work. Even though it would be longer and harder for her in school, she figured it was the best and only way. Ever since Tom came into the U.S. there always has been a tension between him and David. I’d figured it was something that happened while they were in Ethiopia. Nevertheless, when the holidays came by there hatred towards Susan brought them together. They would gossip about what she’s been up to, who she hangs out with, the parties she attends and anything else to give them a reason on why she has “failed the family.” I would cover my ears and look at them in disgust. I hated being around them while they talked about such things. Beside my forth oldest brother in Ethiopia I was the only brother that Susan had with nothing against her.

 

            I stopped praying for Alice to get a husband along time ago. Mostly because I doubted it would ever come true the way her personality was. Alice was desperate for a man. Five of her friends got married and two ran away into a big house down south. She became depressed and stopped hassling me. She ran off to Ethiopia in the summer of 2002. Saying she needed to get away and be with her parents. She came back engaged to her high school boyfriend from Ethiopia. I was speechless. Samantha and Susan planned a lavish wedding shower for Alice. Alice and I went to Ethiopia the following summer to celebrate the wedding. It was also the first time I saw my mother in nine years. Both of my brother told Alice to not have the wedding. Instead to save the money for the future. She wanted to belie everyone in Ethiopia to thinking she was rich and educated. She did this buy spending almost all of her money. I knew the marriage wasn’t going to last. She was acting completely the exact opposite around Michael. Michael was a year older then Alice. He was very dark skinned, educated, arrogant, great hair and gullible. After they had a daughter Alice became pregnant with twins. They agreed on getting divorced. “How have you been able to live with these crazy women for nine years?” Michael asked me as I was making a PB & J sandwich.

“It never gets easier,” I answered.

           

Samantha had been dating for a while. She kept on telling Alice “he’s the one” as she would cut tomatoes in the kitchen. Alice and I would beg her to tell us who the mystery man was but she’d simply reply “be patient.” While Samantha and I were at an Italian restaurant I begged her one last time to tell me who the mystery man was. She agreed to tell me. “His name is Jacob.”

I stopped my chewing my ravioli and reluctantly swallowed the food. “Is there something wrong with the ravioli,” she asked. It couldn’t. Jacob could not have been dating Samantha. He knows she Alice’s sister. I thought to myself.

“Does Jacob own a bar?”

“Yeah, how did you know that?”

“It isn’t in Oakland, is it?”

“It is. Right next to the public library.” 

I thought to myself how could he do this? Is he trying to damage the family even more? What would Alice do to when she finds out her ex-boyfriend is dating her sister and are getting serious?

“Do you know him?” she continued. I tried to tell her I don’t know anything about Jacob or that he use to date Alice eight years ago for a few months and they were pretty intimate. As she pulled up in front of my apartment building she knew I knew something about Jacob and decided to come in. I tried convincing her that she was “over reacting.” I went straight to my room as Samantha waited for Alice to come out of the shower. Even though Alice just got divorce and was pregnant at the time it still for some reason mattered that Samantha was seeing Jacob. I felt like there was a ticking bomb in our apartment.

The following day Samantha came and made her final desction after hearing both sides of the situation. She wanted to keep seeing him. Alice completely lost it. “He wanted to marry me, and he told me he loved me!” she yelled.

“He told me that you were controlling and irresponsible. Maybe that’s why Michael left you. You’re just jealous!” she concluded

David told Samantha that she won’t be his sister anymore and Tom told her that she’s destroying the family. David already had chosen Alice side. Susan and Tom ignored both of them because they didn’t want to pick a side. Somehow my sister in Norway heard of the dispute and took Alice side because of the differences she had with Samantha back when they lived in Italy. Alice assumed I was on her side since I lived in her house and Samantha assumed the same thing since I would agree on the hateful things she said about Alice.

 

            My mother got all her immigration situation straightened out and was in a rush to come out here. She definitely wanted a vacation from the regular arduous days of living in Ethiopia. She had no idea what was going on here. On her arrival day everyone showed up at the airport at different times. I came with Susan since she was still neutral in the war. My mom knew from day one that something was going on. She lived in Samantha’s house since she had an extra bedroom. Every time Samantha and I wanted to take our mother out to see the bay area we  would have to act furtive. I couldn’t let Alice know or she would never let me forget. When I got home late one night she interrogated me in the kitchen. She asked me where I was, who I was with and if I was lying. I lied for all the answers and she could she it in my eyes. She kicked me out around eleven at night with only my pajamas on and no shoes or cell phone. I walked for ten minutes to my friend’s house. He was aware of the war in my family. He let me spent the night in his house. I called Samantha in the morning and it turned out that Alice told everyone that I ran away. All of my siblings knew that Alice’s story was completely embellished and fabricated. I got kicked out of the house again that year and another time she just wouldn’t open the door.

 

One day when I arrived home late from track practice, Susan who happened to be at home helping my mother cook told me that I had a phone call from school saying “I missed one or more classes.” I found it erroneous because I attended all my classes. My mother overheard this and became worried. She the type of person that jumps to conclusion. She thought that I was losing focus in school and I wouldn’t be able to graduate if I kept missing classes. She suspected Alice and Samantha to be responsible for this strange new behavior. Sine Samantha wasn’t at home she immediately went into the bedroom and had a conversation with Alice while she was feeding the baby. She tried to convince her that this fighting between her and Samantha is becoming hard on me and that they are leaning me into the wrong direction in life. “Mom I didn’t miss class, it’s a mistake,” I tried to explain. It was to late.

All of a sudden Alice exploded. She never yelled at my mother before until then. She used some harsh words that left my mother crying. All three of us ended up getting kicked out. My mother never wanted this. The holidays were the worst. It was nothing my mother ever expected. During holiday dinner my mother would constantly ask God “What happened, what happened.”