Color Tripping

            by Talia Pauwels-Lloyd

 

            Adrian stood staring through the opaque glass window, furiously tapping his foot.

            “Why am I here, what the fuck did I do?” Adrian muttered to himself. The paranoia was sinking in more and more as the moments passed.

            “Adrian, they need you in the principal’s office,” That was all Ms. Gram had said to him. That was at 9:20, it was now 9:45. He waited impatiently, imagining the worst possible scenarios. He wiped his clammy hands on his shredded pants, his foot still tapping.

            “I need to get out of here,” Adrian thought to himself. “I can’t take this.”

His friend Shaun met him on Main Street every Wednesday at 2:30. He could pass the time until then.

            “We’ll be in touch, thank you for your time...”

            Adrian heard someone at the door and froze, watching the shiny brass knob turn. A familiar face appeared at the doorway, making him feel even more uneasy. It was Miles. He and Adrian had been best friend since the third grade. The two met in this same office with their parents years ago. They had waited with boredom pulsing through their bodies and struck up a game of cards to pass the time. The two instantly became friends, carrying out mischievous adventures and causing chaos on a daily basis. Since then, Miles had matured quite a bit. Adrian matured too, but his boyish rebellion and insecurities had stuck with him.

*

            “Hey, man...” Miles trailed off, barely making eye contact.

            “Dude, what’s going on?” Adrian asked him, his voice quivering. He stared at Miles questioningly. Something was up. He could see it written across his friend’s face. His normally pale cheeks were bright red and his deep green eyes shifted from left to right.

            “I’m sorry,” Miles said, his eyes on the ground. “I didn’t know what else to do.” He turned and walked toward the door, breathing quick and heavy breaths.

            “Sorry for what? What did you do, Miles?” Adrian asked. His heartbeat quickened. There was no answer, only a loud creaking as the heavy door began to open.

            “Miles...” Adrian called after him.

            “You’ll thank me later...” Miles said almost inaudibly. He turned quickly on his heels as he walked out of the door and into the hallway.

            “Fuck... FUCK!” Adrian yelled. Despite his volume, the secretary appeared to remain unfazed and didn’t even lift her head.

            Adrian now knew exactly what this was about. He could feel his stomach churning into knots and his heart beat quicken as he walked toward the same room his friend had come out from. He paused at the door, staring blankly at the placard that read MR. JONES in bulky, black capital letters. In all his years at Raymond high he’d never been so afraid of what was behind that door.

            The intercom buzzed and a low, fuzzy voice crackled something to the secretary.

            “Mr. Jones will see you now,” The young woman said smiling sympathetically.

He turned to her and nodded absently. Adrian had seen her almost everyday since freshman year, but at that moment it was as if he’d never seen her before in his life. The doorknob felt cold in his hand as he slowly opened the door. His legs were shaking so violently he was barely able to walk. The door swung open quicker than he expected.

            “Have a seat, Adrian,” Mr. Jones said sitting at his desk. He was a small man in a baggy, burgundy suit that looked as if it were at least thirty years old. His hair was combed over, Donald trump style, and his eyes were looking Adrian over from head to toe.

            “Have a seat,” he repeated

            Adrian did as he was told and slouched down into the open chair. His parents were sitting on either side. They spun around to look at him, tears streaming from his mother’s eyes and sweat glistening on his father’s throbbing temple.

            “No son of mine is going to be a drug addict! Do you hear me Adrian? Do you hear me?!” Adrian’s father sputtered angrily.

            “Mr. Anderson! This is an intervention, not a confrontation!” Mr. Jones called out in reprimand.

            “Drugs? I don’t understand. Did I fail you as a mother? Did I not hug you enough?” his mom cried, blowing her nose into her handkerchief.

            “I don’t do drugs,” Adrian said. He turned to his right, “Dad, I swear, I’m not an addict.” Another lie. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, this is a mistake...”

            “Denial is one of the tell tale signs, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. Now Adrian, your friend, Miles has already explained everything to us. We’re prepared to do whatever it takes to get you through this,” Mr. Jones rambled on. “There is this great wilderness program in Utah...”

            Adrian sat there silently, his body going numb as he tried to tune out all the talking. What had Miles done? The betrayal sank in like a knife plunging into his lungs. His breathing quickened and his whole body was trembling. He couldn’t believe this. Everything felt as if it was crashing down on him. He stood up and headed for the door. Instantly the others rose to their feet.

            “If you walk out of this room now, don’t bother coming home tonight,” his father said, his fingers digging into his son’s shoulder. “This is your last chance, Adrian”

            “Don’t do this, Tom! Adrian, sit down! Please, let us help you,” Adrian’s mother wailed.

            Adrian pushed his father’s hand away and walked through the door, slamming right into Miles.

            “How dare you,” Adrian spat his blue eyes narrowing. “An addict, Miles? You know that’s not true, I’ve stopped millions of times, and I can stop again... You know I can.”

            “Yeah, I know you have. You’ve tried, and for how long?” Miles shouted. “Two weeks? You say the same thing every time, ‘I’m done, Miles. I quit, Miles’ or ‘It’s over, Miles.’ Bullshit! It’ll never last. We both know it. Last night was the last straw.”

            Adrian looked at his friend, noticing the green and blue welt below his eye. Had he done that? He couldn’t remember. More so, he didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to believe he could do that to his best friend.

            “Whatever man, you fucked me over,” Adrian said, and stormed off campus.

*

            Adrian sat on the bench outside of Rusty’s burger shack. He held a cigarette between his trembling fingers and made an attempt to piece together the last twenty-four hours of his life.

            Yesterday started like a normal day, Adrian had gone to four out of his six of his classes- the most he could bare nowadays. As the bell rang he rushed to the park where he would sit under the trees alone, fingering a plastic bag filled with little multicolored pills. As usual he took three, at random and wandered around, admiring the world around him as the drugs kicked in.

            Adrian stopped at the foot of the tallest tree at the center of the park. He looked up and grinned.

            “Hello again, James. Take me to the top,” Adrian said and tapped the trunk of the still standing tree. At once the tall oak tree bent down and scooped him up onto its highest branch.

            From his place amongst the treetops, he watched as the afternoon sky turn dark lavender and the clouds swirled around merrily. He glanced at his watch, squinting to see the time. The dancing numbers shouted to him that it was 4:15. He was late meeting up with Miles. He stood up and the whole park wavered with him. He asked his tree friend to place him on the ground and he was on his way. Passersby waved back at him as he smiled and waved gleefully to them. Adrian grinned, lost in his imagination as he trotted in the street, waving at lampposts.

*

            It was quarter to five when Adrian finally made it over to Miles’ house. Adrian knocked on the door three times before realizing he hadn’t heard any sounds. With every knock his hand slipped deeper and deeper into the door. Suddenly the door swung open.

            “I hear you!” Miles said appearing at the front steps.

            “Your door is amazing, its just so, so... I don’t even know...” Adrian trailed off.

            “Seriously? You’re over an hour late and you want to talk to me about how amazing my door is?” Miles shouted.

            “No, just knock on it. You’ll see what I mean,” Adrian said.

            “I really don’t have time for this shit...” Miles mumbled and pounded his fist on the door. A loud thud resounded through the hallway. Adrian smiled a giddy smile.

            “See what I mean? Isn’t it awesome?!” Adrian asked eagerly.

            “No I really don’t,” Miles replied. He knew Adrian was high and had no patience for his antics.

            “Come on, it’s just like throwing your hand into quicksand!” Adrian said.

Miles just rolled his eyes and walked down the hall. Adrian pounded on the door once more before coming into the house.

            Once in Miles’ room, Adrian threw himself on the lounge chair and pulled out a camel soft pack. He lit up and threw the pack to Miles.

            “You know what I realized?” Adrian said, “The only time people actually stop and take a deep breath is when they smoke cigarettes.”

            Adrian chuckled to himself and took a drag of his cigarette, staring intently as he slowly blew smoke rings from his lips. With every smoke ring, his smile grew wider and his chuckles became giddier, until he could no longer contain his laughter. Miles watched him, growing angry.

            “I can’t believe you!” Miles said grabbing the cigarette out of Adrian’s mouth. “You told me you quit taking those pills three days ago and now you’re more strung out than ever.”

            “I did quit... I mean not exactly. I cut back anyway... It’s been three whole days, so now I’m rewarding myself! You took them once too, you know how it is,” Adrian said with a grin as if he’d thought of the perfect answer.

            Miles buried his head in his hands, “I just don’t know what to do with you anymore...” he mumbled and then became silent.

            For a while neither of them spoke until, suddenly Miles sat up.

            “Give me the pills,” he said.

            “No way! Get your own, I’m almost out!” Adrian replied.

            “Give them to me, Adrian!” Miles said, “I can’t let you do this to yourself anymore!”

            He jumped up, grabbed Adrian’s Jacket and snatched out the plastic bag filled with pills. Adrian tackled him to the ground grabbing aimlessly for his bag.

            “It’s for your own good, I’m not giving them back!” Miles yelled and pushed him off. He ran for the bathroom with Adrian still on the floor, and threw them in the toilet.

            “What the fuck are you doing?!” Adrian screamed.

            Just as Miles flushed the toilet, Adrian shoved him to the side and threw his hands into the water. “These cost me a lot of money you know!” he yelled, his hands rushing to collect the pills. When he could no longer grab them Adrian hung his head on the toilet seat watching the colors swirl around in a spiral as they disappeared one by one.

            “You’re absolutely ridiculous,” Miles sighed and attempted to pull him off the bathroom floor. Adrian threw his fists in the air and socked Miles straight in the face. Miles yelped, both in pain and surprise. The two boys stood there, stunned.

            “Get out,” Miles said quietly.

            “M-m-miles...” Adrian stuttered, “I didn’t... I wasn’t... I’m sorry...”

            “Get the hell out, now!” Miles said, this time louder and angrier.

            “Okay,” Adrian said and collected his things.

*

            Adrian was back in present time, shuddering as the memory flooded back to him. His head was in his knees, his body rocking back and forth.

            “You look like death!” a voice called to him loudly.

            Adrian jumped and lifted his head. Standing over him was a tall, blue-eyed kid with shaggy blonde hair that fell just above his eyes.

            “Jesus, Shaun! You scared the shit out of me!” Adrian said standing up.

The two boys shook hands and began walking down Main Street.

            “It’s all gone,” Adrian said as they stopped at the crosswalk.

            “All of it?” Shaun asked, his mouth dropping open.

            “Every last one,” Adrian replied picking up his pace “Flushed.”

            “Holy shit!” Shaun said.

            The two boys crossed the large intersection and headed towards the train tracks. Shaun began fidgeting with the toggles on his wool coat. The wind was getting icier and the two boys stayed silent. Shaun dropped his hands quickly and shoved them in his pockets.

            “This is sort of bad timing,” Shaun said breaking the silence. “But I’m fresh out…”

            “Shit,” Adrian muttered under his breath, his face turning into a frown.

            “Can I hook you up with something else, maybe cheaper, like a sampler?” Shaun asked.

            Adrian remained quiet, weighing the options in his head before reaching a decision.

            “Yeah, sure. I’d go for anything right now…” Adrian said finally.

            Neither of them said anything for a while. They walked side-by-side, eyes staring straight ahead, with only the sound of gravel crunching along the tracks with each step they took. Suddenly, they stopped in front of a tall cement building with a pad-locked chain link fence surrounding it. Shaun stepped forward and opened the lock. The chains began slipping off the fence, link by link, and the fence swung open as if on command. They walked toward the building   and halted at the door.

            “Come give me a hand with this,” Shaun grunted as he pushed at the door. Adrian stepped forward slowly and placed his shoulder next to Shaun’s at the entrance.

            “You ready?” Shaun asked, “One, two, three!!!”

            At three, they took a step back and lunged toward the door. The heavy cast iron door flew open and the boys hit the ground. Shaun jumped up, brushed bits of gravel from his pants and helped Adrian to his feet.

            In the center of the room was a raggedy shag rug topped with a fold out couch and a beat up coffee table. In the corner of the room sat an old T.V., and directly across from it stood a bedside table with a fishbowl on it. Adrian was familiar with Shaun’s dwelling; the pair of rainbow fish was his favorite part. He plopped himself down on the couch and stared at the fish swim around for several minutes.

            “All right Willy Wonka, let’s see what you’ve got for me,” He said grinning.

Shaun walked over to the couch and pulled a locked box out from under it. He pulled out another box containing a series of multiple colored vials filled with equally colorful syrupy liquids.

            “You really are the fucking candy man!” Adrian laughed, “That looks like a pack of Jell-O shots or something!”

            “Yeah I guess it does,” Shaun laughed. Then his face went serious and he continued, “But, listen man, this is some serious shit. I’m gonna tell you exactly how to take it and you have to listen carefully. I’m not kidding you man, this shit can kill you if you take it wrong.”

            “Yeah, I got it. I’ll be careful,” Adrian said.

            Shaun took five vials from the box and wrote down the amount on his hand in a sloppy roman numeral. Adrian scooted to the edge of the couch, watching intently as his curiosity took over. Shaun looked him straight in the eyes and held his gaze like a hawk.

            “Okay, these are sort of like the pills I was giving you… similar effects but way more dangerous. There’s a specific order, so don’t fuck it up,” Shaun said as he placed the vials on the table one by one. “First, take the yellow vial; second, the green one. Third the blue vial; then the red one, and lastly… the orange one. Got it? Yellow, blue, green, red, orange.”

            “Yellow, green, blue, red, orange,” Adrian echoed back to him. “I got it”

            “Okay I’m gonna go take a piss, help yourself to some water,” Shaun said pointing to the bottle next to the T.V. “They look like candy, but they sure as hell don’t taste like it.”

            Shaun walked out to the tracks, leaving Adrian alone with his thoughts.

            “Yellow, green, blue, red, orange. Yellow, green, glue, red, orange…” Adrian mumbled to himself, repeating the order over and over again so he wouldn’t forget. He picked up the yellow vial and stared hard into the plastic coating. He cracked of the plastic top and downed the bitter liquid without hesitation. This process continued as he took the blue and green vials.

            The drugs sank in almost instantaneously and Adrian’s mind began to lose focus. The last two vials sat on the table, waiting for him. His mind was now in tangles. He attempted to grasp control of the new feelings he was experiencing with little success. Adrian looked at the vials on the table, his eyes moving back and forth between the two.

            “Crap,” Adrian muttered to himself, no longer able to differentiate between red and orange. “Oh well,” he said as he ripped open the orange vial and took in every last drop.

            Adrian lay back, feeling very accomplished with himself. Within seconds the entire room began trembling. He jolted to his feet and glanced at the walls only to see that they were melting to the ground like wax. Suddenly the walls shot back up and everything went normal. He sat down once again and absorbed himself in the fishbowl.

            “Hey, how you doin’ over there?” Shaun asked walking back into the room.

            Adrian didn’t respond, nor did he turn around. He was lost in his own world.

            “Hey fishy, fishy, fishieeeees,” Adrian began to coo as the fish melded into one in his mind. “Ooooh, you look kinda like my friend Miles! Whoa dude, when did you become a fish?” Adrian asked, “Wait no, how did you become a fish?”

            “Dude what the hell are you talking about?” Shaun asked concerned.

            Again Adrian didn’t respond. Shaun stood watching him converse with himself.

            “Look man, I’m sorry about your face,” Adrian continued. “No, I know, man, but I’m sorry. I guess that’s nothing now that you’re a fish,” Adrian giggled to himself. “You hungry? Here fishy, fishy, fishy…”

            Adrian picked up a container of fish food and poured the whole thing into the bowl.

“What the hell are you doing? Are you crazy?” Shaun shouted grabbing the container from his hands “One, that fish isn’t Miles, and two, you’ll kill it that way!”

            Adrian just sat there in a giggling fit as drool started dripping from his mouth and tears streamed from his eyes. Shaun looked at the table and saw the vials lying there, instantly he knew what was going on.

            “You took the wrong vials!” Shaun cried

            Again, more giggling poured out of Adrian’s mouth. Shaun grabbed him and forced the water down his throat. Nothing happened. Shaun tried to shake him to consciousness. Again, nothing. Adrian’s mind was nowhere to be found. Adrian watched his world swirling before his eyes. The pin-sized blur of color from the flushing the day before began spiraling before his eyes. He sat being pulled backward to forward, left to right, watching the colors expand. The colorful spot grew and grew spinning across the entire room. Eventually the swirl of color was the only thing he could see. It was as if the entire room had been swallowed up in this a mass of spinning colors.

            Suddenly, the giggling stopped and Adrian sat transfixed with the flurry of colors and light. Then, with the blink of his eyes there was nothing.