Hey Mya, Translate This!

            by Shinequa Sutherland

 

Dear Mya,

 

As you probably already know, I’m leaving. I knew this would be easier on you if I wrote a letter explaining to you the truth about how much I care for you and how I truly feel about you. The truth is I never loved you. I hated you so much. You are my bitch and I don’t want you to ever forget that. I never cared about you, and I never wanted to talk to you and be around you. You really have no clue how much I hate you. Now that I’m leaving, I thought you should know that I hate you bitch. You never did the right thing, and you were never there for me. I didn’t think I could hate someone as much as I hate you but now I know I can. I will never want to see you again, for the rest of my life. I will never miss kissing you like before. I never want to cuddle up how we used to. I will not miss you and that’s a promise. You never had my love, and I want you to remember that. Bitch you keep this letter because this may be the last thing you get from me. I hate you so much. I will not talk to you soon bitch.

Goodbye,

Luke

 

What a sad letter to receive, hand delivered, from a boyfriend. To be getting a letter like this from someone you love has got to hurt. Ha… To be 17 and think you love someone and then think they love you back. Luckily for her she only got that letter because her dad didn’t approve of Luke. So he wrote her a letter that would become a love letter when the words are switched.

Hate = Love
Never = Always
Bitch = Baby
Will not = Will

 

 Dear Mya,

 

As you probably already know, I’m leaving. I knew this would be easier on you if I wrote a letter explaining to you the truth about how much I care for you and how I truly feel about you. The truth is I always loved you. I love you so much. You are my baby and I don’t want you to ever forget that. I always cared about you, and I always wanted to talk to you and be around you. You really have no clue how much I love you. Now that I’m leaving, I thought you should know that I love you baby. You always did the right thing, and you were always there for me. I didn’t think I could love someone as much as I love you but now I know I can. I will always want to see you again, for the rest of my life. I will always miss kissing you like before. I always want to cuddle up how we used to. I will miss you and that’s a promise. You always had my love, and I want you to remember that. Baby you keep this letter because this may be the last thing you get from me. I love you so much. I will talk to you soon baby.

Goodbye,

Luke

 

 Unfortunately for her, this was only the first of three she would be receiving in a course of 8 years. But these letters wouldn’t be restricted to only her love life. The other letters, one from her manager and one from her wealthy deceased great aunt, came as an even bigger shock than the first.

 

Dear Ms. Mya Winnfield,

 

You’ve successfully completed our basic training program four months ago and is quickly progressing the learning in your territory. I am pleased with your performance and look forward to an increase in sales as you gain more experience. To date, you have sold six copiers and furnished five leads that have resulted in three typewriter sales. Because of your excellent fluency in both English and French, I have hopes of eventually promoting you to International Marketing Division. You have a conscientious attitude toward work. During this next three-month period, you will help increase sales by 15 percent.

Jason Odwrite, Manager

Staples

 

Sounds like a great letter to receive from an employer, right? If you answered yes to that question, think again about your answer while you read this.

 

Successfully = Just barely

Quickly Progressing = Slowly Declining

Pleased = Appalled

An Increase = A Decrease

More = Less

Sold = Broken

Sales = Damages

Excellent/ Conscientious = Terrible

Promoting = Demoting

International Marketing Division = Janitor

Increase = Decrease

 

Dear Ms. Mya Winnfield,

 

You’ve just barely completed our basic training program four months ago and is slowly declining the learning in your territory. I am appalled with your performance and look forward to a decrease in sales as you gain less experience. To date, you have broken six copiers and furnished five leads that have resulted in three typewriter damages. Because of your terrible fluency in both English and French, I have hopes of eventually demoting you to Janitor. You have a terrible attitude toward work. During this next three-month period, you will help decrease sales by 15 percent.

Jason Odwrite, Manager

Staples

Made you change your mind, didn’t it. Well, this next one she received when she was 25. Her great aunt had more money than her entire family had put together and tripled. Being an extremely close family, her aunt loved everyone. And when she passed, everyone got a piece of the fortune. All the kids that were under 18 got $5. Everyone else, well they got $50. But not Mya. She got a letter that her aunt wrote just for her.

 

Dear Mya,

My sweet little angel. If you are reading this, I died. I want you to know that in the reading of my will I left you out because I love you. You are a excellent daughter and you make everyone happy. I am pleased with the way you treated you family and that is why I leave my entire estate and everything I own to you. Because of my love for you, I decided to give you my belongings. I didn’t want the family to argue about whom I loved the most and why that person should get my money, because after all, I loved my self the most. So cheer up sweetie, cause you have one up on the entire family.

Sincerely,

Great Aunt Judy

 

Love = Hate

Excellent = Terrible

Pleased = Appalled

Happy= Miserable

 

Dear Mya,

My sweet little angel. If you are reading this, I died. I want you to know that in the reading of my will I left you out because I hate you. You are a terrible daughter and you make everyone miserable. I am appalled with the way you treated you family and that is why I leave my entire estate and everything I own to you. Because of my hate for you, I decided to give you my belongings. I didn’t want the family to argue about whom I loved the most and why that person should get my money, because after all, I loved my self the most. So cheer up sweetie, cause you have one up on the entire family.

Sincerely,

Great Aunt Judy

 

Not what you was expecting to read now was it.