Hope
by Shinequa Sutherland
“… happy birthday to you.”
I blew out the candles, thinking about my wish and trying to make it come true, then cut the first slice of my cake as a 16 year old. My wish was to go back home to New York for Christmas vacation, or winter break as Berkeley High School calls it. I thought my parents would surprise me with tickets for my birthday so I would have something exciting to look forward to while packing for my first snow-filled winter in years.
“So baby girl, do you want to cut the turkey as well as the ham, since it is your birthday?” My mom has asked me this question ever since I was old enough to use a knife. Luckily for me, this year my birthday fell on Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday.
After a day of eating and a day of leftovers it was Saturday. I had received all of the birthday calls, the ‘day-after’ birthday calls, and the ‘I forgot your birthday was on Thanksgiving’ calls. My mom and I decided to sit on the porch for a while since today was a pretty decent day. We had a square wooden porch, the wood was different shades of brown but mostly dark brown. It was painted green, and was chipped off for the most part. The outside walls of the house reminded me of a boiled egg that had been cracked.
While we were sitting there in our chairs and looking at my cats play with the grass, my mom began to say, “Nequa. I have some bad news for you. Now I don’t want you to worry but…” she hesitated for a moment and I began to worry.
“I have breast cancer.”
***
“Happy birthday dad”
It was my dad’s birthday and I was on my way back to the school with my friend Lloyd. I was going to get my dad so we could go home, pick up my mom and brother, and go to Sizzlers for dinner. I was walking down toward Milvia and Kittridge with the school facing my front. The post office’s parking lot was on my right and an Avis car rental lot was on my left. There were people across the street and around me. People were just finished crossing and two cars had gone past the stop sign when I reached the end of the parking lot and the beginning of the crosswalk.
I looked across the street to make sure there were no cars coming. Since the cars were stopped, I began to cross.
“Oh my God Nequa look out...” I felt something jerking me back by my backpack, and I realized it was Lloyd. When I looked to my left I saw the car getting closer and closer to me. I felt my legs freeze. Oh my God. I looked to my left, I saw a woman driving a silver sedan that seemed to keep coming closer to me. I'm really about to get hit. Nothing ever happens to me. It usually happens to my little brother so why now? Why me? This is really about to happen and I have a bad feeling that it’s going to hurt.
The next thing I knew she had just hit me and I was on the ground in shock. Time seemed to go by so fast when it happened. Then it started to slow down because when I looked over to her car she was looking at me and turning the car off but she seemed to be doing it so slowly.
“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. Are you ok sweetie? Can I help you up? Let me take you to the hospital and call your parents.” The woman said, sounding so concerned that I couldn’t remember what my mom had told me to do if I ever got hit.
“ No thank you. It’s ok, just write down your name and insurance and stuff and I’ll call my dad.” Lloyd passed me his phone and I began dialing my dad.
Oh crap Shinequa. Only you would get hit on your father’s birthday, wouldn’t you? You couldn’t get hit on a day you didn’t want to do something. And what makes this even better right now is that when he calls mom, she’s going to panic and freak and cry and a whole bunch of stuff.
“ Hello,” he answered wondering who this number belonged to.
“ Hey dad, it’s Nequa. Can you come to Milvia and Kittridge for me? Something just happened over here. ”
“For what?”
“I’d rather you came and find out.”
“Well if you don’t tell me I’m not coming.” His voice started to sound mad and sarcastic.
“Well,” I was really nervous about telling him, “I kind of just got hit by a car” I dragged that part to hear his reaction as I was saying it.
***
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
I woke up to the annoying sound of my alarm clock and knew it was time to start my daily routine. Turn on the radio, turn on the hot water, and search for my towel while the hot water is running. When I found my towel, jump in the shower and get dressed.
“Hey baby girl. You awake in here? ” my mom asked me. She comes in my room and asks me that question every morning.
“Nope still sleeping,” I answered fixing my shirt and looking at my mom as she began to smile.
“Ha ha. Well girly, its time for you to wake up if you want to. Your father isn’t going to work today so you can stay home if you don’t have anything important to do. I’ll take you to the Bart station if you’re going. ”
“I have to go unfortunately. I have stuff to turn in and test’s to take. ”
“Ok, let me know when your ready ok?”
“Oakily Doakily.”
I finished getting dressed and my mom drove me to the Bart station. She said the same thing she says everyday before me or my brother leave. “Have a good day.” I blew back a kiss and got on the train. When I got to school it was 8:10, so I called my best friend to see where she was. She was in the cafeteria so I went to her. We sat and joked with some of our friends.
Ding Ding It was time for first period. Since my best friend and I had this class with each other, we walked to class together.
Bloop I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and checked it. Not only had I received a text message, I had received a picture message. That meant I would have to try to view a picture on the teeny screen. I waited for my teacher to turn around and write on the board so I could try and view it. As soon as I got the chance, I opened it and froze. I was horrified. I couldn’t think I just sat there staring at the picture. It was my mom … and she was completely bald. I began to cry but I stopped my self and looked up. No don’t cry Shinequa. If you do, the entire class will start asking you what’s wrong and I don’t feel like explaining or even talking. I knew her hair was falling out, but God. It’s all gone now and she looked so sick. I mean with her hair, you could tell there was something wrong but now she just looked awful.
I put the phone down and sat in my seat, frozen like a statue. I stared at the white board fighting back my tears. Finally the bell rang and I rushed out the door when the tears started flowing down my face. I didn’t know what to do. I made myself stop crying and went to my math class to talk to my teacher. About half way there, I decided not to, I decided to go to class and deal with it.
That didn’t work. As soon as I got to the door, the picture came to mind and I began to cry again. So I went to Ms. Cummings. The one person I knew would help me stop crying. I stopped crying long enough to call her and see where she was. She was in her office which was good. When I got to her, the tears came rolling out my eyes again.
***
Wee Woo Wee Woo Wee Woo
The sound of the ambulance rang loudly in my ears as the paramedics took me to the emergency room at Children’s Hospital.
“What is your first name miss?” the paramedic asked me so he could fill out the necessary paperwork.
“Shinequa, S-h-i-n-e-q-u-a.”
“Ok and your last name?”
“Sutherland, S-u-t-h-e-r-l-a-n-d.”
“Ok. So how did you manage to get yourself hit by a car? ”
“I have no idea. It’s usually my brother who gets hurt-”
“Oooh Nequa. Frances is gonna be so worried when daddy calls her and tells her.” My sister interrupted. Since we don’t have the same mother, she calls my mother by her first name.
“Naw, you think?”, I said with a sarcastic tone... I was mad at her because when the accident occurred she was on school campus and she admitted to me that she laughed and ran outside to see if they were lying when someone told her that her little sister, who she claims she loved so dearly, had just got hit by a car.
“Ok miss Sutherland. We’re here.”
The paramedic helped me out the ambulance and wheeled me inside where they asked me the same questions plus some more. Shortly after, my dad arrived at the hospital. Then James, who is one of the safety officers at the school, then my mom, then the rest of the safety officers and the female cop who was handling the accident. All of which asked me even more questions. “Are you ok?” “Where did she hit you?” “How’s your head?” ”Do you remember exactly what happened?” All the questions seemed kind of unimportant to me. Luckily they didn’t stay long. My parents and my brother and sister stayed. My brother with his smart mouth says to me,
“Wow Nequa. Congratulations,” he claps and says “You somehow managed to screw up the rest of the week for mom and dad and get even more attention from them. Well, since you’re hurt and they’ll only care about you for now, I guess there’s no need for me to tell them I passed my math test cuz after all they wouldn’t care any ways. ”
“Ronald, shut the hell up.”
***
Wee Woo Wee Woo Wee Woo
The sound of the ambulance rang loudly in my ears when I answered my phone. It was my dad calling to tell me that my mom was in the hospital.
“ They’re taking your mom to a different Kaiser. They don’t have the treatment she needs here in Richmond.” My dad had decided to stay home that day to take my mom to the hospital to see if she had pneumonia… and she did. My mom had caught pneumonia just from going to the bathroom that was about 4 feet away from her bed. All but one window was broken, the cool air would get in and the rooms would all be different temperatures. My mom’s bathroom and her bedroom had a 15 degree difference. This make the chemo aftereffects worse, since it always made her cold.
“How long do they think she’s going to have to stay for?” I asked wondering if she was going to be there for longer than 2 days.
“The doctors want to keep her for about 2 or 3 days.”
“ Well at least it’s not a week.” I tried to make him smile or laugh a little but I could tell that that wasn’t going to happen by the sound of his silence.
“Well, you know the drill. Don’t stay up too late. Don’t let your brother be on the computer all night. Whatever you fix for dinner, only fix enough for the two of you. I’ll grab something else if I come in tonight.”
“ Ok. Are you sure you don’t want me to put a plate in the microwave just in case? ” I asked knowing he would probably say no because he was planning on getting fast food.
“ No. Just fix something for you and your brother. Ok Princess? ”
“ Ok. Let me know how she’s doing and all that other good stuff. Adios padre” I said trying once more to make him smile. Then I hung up the phone. Today was Friday.
It quickly became Thursday. A few days had gone by, and I had not seen or called my mom all week. Since I looked like her, I figured she wouldn’t want me to see her while she was in the hospital because it would be like seeing what I would possibly go through in the future. But I was wrong. I had just received a call from her.
“ Hola.”
“ Hey punk. Why haven’t you called me or came to see me? Huh, are you avoiding me or something?” My mom’s voice sounded like she was playing but was dead ass serious and mad at the same time.
“ Well because I thought that you were thinking the same thing I was. ”
“And that was…?”
“That’s because we look so much alike, you didn’t want me to freak out.” I wasn’t completely sure how she was going to take my explanation. “ Plus, I wasn’t ready to see you with the tubes and things sticking out of you. ”
“ Well I wasn’t thinking that. I was thinking of how you and your brother was doing. If he was actually going to school and listening to you or just picking fights with you.”
“ Oh. Well Ronald’s been listening and I’ve been dropping him off at school. I used your credit card and gave him $10 for his lunch money and filled up the gas tank. I cooked and made him do some cleaning. I’ve kept him off the computer after I go to sleep. So I guess we’re doing good. ”
“ Ok that’s good. Surprising but good. So when are you guys going to come see me? I really want to see the two of you. ”
“ How about Sunday? I have some typing to get through and a lot of homework plus laundry so I should be done by Sunday. ”
“ Ok. That will work. See you then baby girl. ”
“Kay. Good night mom. Feel better. ”
“Night”
***
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
I woke up to the annoying sound of my alarm clock and knew it was time to start my daily routine but something about today just didn’t seem right. There was an unbearable pain in my legs when I woke up that began to make me cry and the sound of my alarm clock made my head throb. As I lay in my bed crying, I waited to hear my parents alarm go off so I could call them and tell them I was in pain and that I needed some medicine and food. BEEP BEEP Their alarm finally went off and my mom came as usual to make sure I was awake.
“Hey baby girl. You awake in here? ”
“No,” I answered with sobs.
“What’s the matter baby girl?” she asked sounding worried.
“My legs hurt really bad and I feel like I can’t walk and I have a big headache.”
“Ok, well I’m not going to work today because I don’t feel good so you can stay home with me.” then she returned to her room. A few minutes later my dad came into my room.
“Come on princess. Sit up.”
I did as I was told when he picked me up, carried me into their bedroom and put me on their bed next to my mom.
“Ok ladies, I’m going to stay home with you and Nequa, you can sleep with your mom. I’ll go sleep in your bed. Go back to sleep ladies and when you wake up you’ll have breakfast waiting for you.”
“Ok,” I answered. Then I moved closer to my mom and cried myself asleep.
Two and a half hours had gone by and like I was told, breakfast was sitting right next to me. My mom had already woken up and started eating her breakfast so I did the same.
“Good morning.”
“Morning mom.”
We finished eating then started watching some TV when the telephone rang. It was my grandma.
“Hey ma, how you doing”
“I’m fine baby what’s going on with everyone” I could hear her say.
“Nothing really. Ronald hopefully went to school this morning. Shinequa and I stayed home. Neither of us woke up feeling to good so.”
“Ok and where’s Roi?”
“He stayed home to take care of us.”
“Oh ok. Wait, you stayed come because of you chemo and radiation. That I know. Why’d Nequa stay home?”
“Because of her accident. The weathers changing so she about to start getting body aches. Today it was her legs and her head that was hurting. We have to wait and see about tomorrow.”
“Aww my poor baby. Tell her I said feel better and I will talk to you guys tomorrow. Love you Franny”
“Love you too ma. Later.”