Theft

By Jeremy Wong

                Thou shall not steal. It’s one of the Ten Commandments I have broken. I had tried in the past to atone for these sinful actions, but every time I sought redemption, I fell into an abyss of guilt; I was haunted by my actions in stealing when I was a pre-teenaged boy.

            It was one summer day, when the sun imposed heat all over Palo Alto and the newscasters didn’t blame climate change as the primary cause for such an occurrence. A heat wave had struck most of the San Jose Area, which was the third consecutive time it had happened during my stay at Lenny’s place. Lenny and I were bored out of our minds and couldn’t think of anything to do. Of the two of us, I was always the creative one, but on this particular day, my mind lacked creativity; it was just too hot outside to play, too hot to stay inside, and too hot to wear clothes. Out of this boredom, Lenny thought it might have been a good idea to go with him and his parents to Costco because he wanted to show me something “awesome.” I agreed to his proposition and we both got in his parents’ new car.

            Anyone who’s ever been to Costco knows the entire security system is built on membership card recognition upon entrance. What a bullshit system. There were no security cameras and no armed guards. Lenny found this security flaw and used it to his advantage. He brought me to the gaming section of the store, which was then just a pile of game cartridges in some worn down boxes.

            “It’s hella easy to steal these games. All you need is a mini-screw driver, and I brought one,” He told me. I looked at the screw driver with widened eyes.

            “You did this before?” I asked, even though the question had an obvious answer. It was the first time I heard of his illicit actions in his past and I could not digest that fact.

            “Hell yea. They’re not even locked up. The only thing to worry about is a security chip in the actual box, so just take out the cartridge. Can you watch for anybody coming while I take this game out of the box?” Lenny asked as he started ripping the box.

            I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the developing situation that either he was really stealing or that I was an accomplice by default. My hands were shaking so much and so much had happened too fast. I tried to stop and think about what my parents told me about stealing to convince myself what I was doing was wrong, but my fear was too stupendous that I could not focus on my thoughts.

            “Good thing I brought a large jacket,” He chuckled. It wasn’t the perfect time for me to listen to his humor and laugh alongside him. He hid the game in his right inner pocket. “I gotta ask my parents for the car keys. If they say anything to you, just say that you don’t wanna be inside anymore and that you also need to go in the car.”

            “Wait a minute. I don’t get it,” I whispered. “What if we get caught? I don’t want to get in trouble.” I was worried that someone was going to stop us; a guard would just come up to us and say, “You have the right to remain silent, little boy.” I couldn’t think properly and every nerve in my body tried to hold me back from stealing as much as possible.

            “Don’t worry. Remember, I’ve done this before. No one’s watching us,” he told me. He wanted to reassure that I was on his side because the worst thing for a stealing duo is betrayal.

            We reached his parents and they obliged to Lenny’s proposal in a snap.

            “You look pretty sweaty there, Jeremy. Are you alright?” Lenny’s mother asked. I was shaking with fear and terror.

            “Y-y-yea. I’m alright,” I stammered. His mother looked at me very closely, scrutinizing my eyes, but she walked off seconds later because she found a great deal on toilet paper.

            Lenny shoved me in the direction of the door. After passing a massive crowd of people, I stared at each and every one of them as if they knew what I was doing. My paranoia really irritated me. I started hearing voices in my head, voices that were foreign and that weren’t like the usual thoughts I had. Each person that passed me brought on a new thought in my head with a new voice I never heard before. “I’m going to catch you.” “Thief.” “Robber.” “I’m going to tell.” I was getting really freaked out. My friend didn’t try to comfort me. He just kept on walking passed every one else calmly as if he knew that everything was going to work out.

There is the door, I thought. There are only 15 more steps and then I don’t have to worry about anyone trying to stop me. I saw the exit with two ladies checking receipts from purchasing customers. I walked right past the ladies with relief because they paid no attention neither to me nor Lenny. I am finally safe, I thought, this is truly a phenomenon.

But I wasn’t safe. I wasn’t safe from myself because I had just let someone’s illegal actions engulf me as an accomplice. I had just allowed Lenny to steal a game cartridge in front of me, but because I had aided him, there was no backing down now. I couldn’t tell anyone else. I didn’t want to get in trouble and I especially didn’t want others to think differently about me if they knew that I was a petty thief.

            Lenny told me it was over. It was far from over. My brain was at war with my conscience, trying to spread an emergency code to the rest of my body. My mind kept telling itself over and over again, never again, Jeremy. Never again. The guilt sunk deep into me; it felt so wrong. But another thought sprang into my head, can I forgive myself for what I just did, can I possibly justify this course of action? It was Costco after all; it shouldn’t have been such a big deal.

            “Man, that was really easy.” Lenny said. “Now since I did it, it’s only fair that you do it too.”

            Oh crap. He just said the line. The line that drags me into the world I never sought to bring myself to. In church, pastors and followers would always say how I was such a good kid and how I had never forsaken God. I couldn’t stand the thought of myself if I stole, because it would ruin my image, or what I thought was my personal image.

            Lenny drags me into Costco again accompanied by a stranger so that we could get in. I can’t reiterate enough how much Costco’s security sucks. We get to the gaming section again. This time, it was my turn. Lenny took the role of the lookout and I trembled with sweaty hands. I attempted to open the box, but I simply couldn’t open it.

            “I can’t get it open,” I said. I had a hard time using the screw driver to my advantage.  

            “Try twisting the plastic,” he said.

            I twisted the box’s case, and it magically opened just enough. I grabbed the game and gave it to Lenny so that he could put it into his pocket. We strode off to the door once again, this time, feeling that I had blood stains on my hands. Again, we made it to the front door and for a second time, we got outside. I thought we escaped unharmed, but the same whispering thoughts came back to haunt me.

“We’re safe and sound,” Lenny said. I don’t know what came over me in that moment. I had an adrenaline rush; my heart pumped blood faster than normal. There was a feeling inside, like my libido, that was full of thrill and excitement, yet my head couldn’t stop throbbing. My thoughts kept echoing how cool stealing was. I sat in the car, solemn, as Lenny played the games we stole on the portable device he brought.

            Stealing became a temporary obsession. I was like a filthy British teenager trying to find the most insane, hardcore porn there is on the $9.99 per episode porno sites, or like how a little first grader is nostalgic during his or her stay in band camp. All of the sudden, we were doing another round of stealing on the same day, this time trying to see how many games would fit in Lenny’s pockets within an hour. By the end of many rounds, we shoplifted all the games that amused us with any slight curiosity. Listen to me Jeremy. It’s me, your conscience. You’re doing the wrong thing! Don’t let Lenny take advantage of you! Do something!

            “You’re not bored now, are you?” Lenny said. I didn’t reply. The car ride home was in a humble atmosphere as I feared the next thing I would say would jeopardize the whole operation. “I can’t wait to try all of these games when we get home,” I murmured. The guilt tore my heart as every time it pumped. My head waltzed towards destruction.

            We arrived at Lenny’s house and left all of our loot in his parents’ car. That night lasted only for a mere second – I went to bed before I knew it. During my slumber, I had awful dreams that came from the after effects of stealing. My body perspired while I tossed and turned in the blankets. Lenny, who was sleeping a few feet away from me, snored. I kept waking up from nightmares and walking around Lenny’s house. The house was too silent; the air was too pristine. I found myself constantly going to the restroom and staring at myself in the mirror as I splashed water onto my face. It might have been quiet, but my demons were hollering, trying to break free.

            The next night, we went to Fry’s. Unlike Costco, Fry’s was a more dangerous place with surveillance cameras and door alarms. The place specialized in electronics where Lenny would have loved to take everything. I looked around for guards and then at the cameras and printers and thought how to steal them from the store. I shook my head in attempt to wipe away those terrible thoughts.

            “Come over here, Jeremy. Wouldn’t it be cool to steal this new game right here?” I looked over. It was a brand new RPG game for the PC that had come out the previous month.

            “No, Lenny, I can’t do this,” I whispered.

            “Sure you can,” he said. “Remember what you did yesterday?”

            “Well, that was Costco. Besides, how do I know that the alarm won’t go off when I go through?” I said.

            “There’s only one way to find out,” he said with a chuckle. I predicted that Lenny was going to use peer pressure on me again and I was right on the money. We went on and on; I argued the ethics of stealing and the consequences of getting caught while he argued that it was for the interest of our entertainment.

            “Ok, then why don’t you do it?” I asked.

            “Because I did it last time,” he said. I gave up in persuading Lenny. I had poor argumentative skills and could not stop myself from doing this heinous act. My superego and ego gave up; the little shoulder angel was defeated by the little shoulder devil.

            Minutes into our covert operation, I managed to tear off the wrapping and taping that concealed the CD in the box with my fingernails as Lenny watched guard. The CD inside the box was, however, inside a hermetic case. Lenny was skeptical about bringing the case, but he said it was a necessity because it contained the serial number and activation code to play the game. I stated that the case may contain a security precautionary device that would trip the door alarm. I was frightened by the very thought of getting caught at the entrance that goose bumps had risen.

            Lenny assured me the case was not armed and it would be a breeze because there were no guards at the front entrance. I, again, told him the alarm would go off. My mind ran the scenario countless times. The one scenario that seemed to be the most plausible in my mind, at that time, was that the door alarm would read a specific barcode on the case with small, invisible lasers, and, since the CD was not purchased, it would trigger the alarm mechanism. I looked into my jacket and examined the bulge that the case made. I can’t do this, I thought. I took a few steps towards the door, like a dead man walking.

            The door alarm would determine my fate and I was not ready to face it. Lenny pushed me a few more steps forward. I was terrified. The experience was ten times scarier than the first time stealing in Costco because the risks of getting caught were higher. I became agoraphobic once again; the voices around me came back. I began to think that the public was aware of my actions. I stepped beside the two pillars and waited to hear the alarm go off.

            No alarm sounded. Everything was absolutely fine. I walked outside to the parking lot and caught my breath. I was so relieved, so much that my devilish side erupted. The sky was dark and the parking lot lights had dimmed a crimson red glow. The anxiety and fear was suddenly alleviated like taking a piss in winter snow. I put the game under Lenny’s parents’ car in plain sight so that I could find it when we all left.

            I went back to the store and met back up with Lenny in the stereo section of the store.

            “Where did you put the game?” he asked me, slightly raising his voice.

            “I put it under the car,” I told him.

            “You did what?! You have to show me specifically where!” he said exasperated.

            We both ran outside and I showed him specifically where I placed it, except the game was gone. There was no one walking around. I swore to myself I had placed the game under the car.

            “Holy shit! Where’s the game?” He whispered angrily at me as he situated his hands around my neck to choke me.

            “I don’t know,” I gasped. He let go of my neck and looked around, only to see his father, Dwaine, appear out of thin air.

            “Lenny!” Dwaine bellowed. He had the game in his hand and held it up. “Did you steal this game?”

            My mind ran through countless explanations for how Dwaine had found out. We hadn’t noticed that his father had left the store. Since I was in a hurry, I did not leave the game completely sightless from the pedestrian view; it wasn’t impossible for Dwaine to find the game.

            Lenny froze up. “N-n-n-no,” He chirped. “I mean sorta.”

            “What do you mean?” Dwaine demanded.

            “Well, Jeremy stole the game, but I-I-I-I…” He trailed off. Dwaine looked at me, staring at me with a pair of satanic eyes.

            “Did Lenny ask you to do this?” He asked in a moderate tone.

            “Yes, he told me to-”

            Dwaine interrupted, “That’s all I needed to know.”

            I was caught. I had failed in stealing, failed in achieving the perfect crime. I was fearful of the future because I was scared of the consequences. I was embarrassed at myself for allowing this brief interlude of stealing.

            It wasn’t the same type of embarrassment as the kind I felt when I actually took a crap during my cousin’s kindergarten class, or when my mother bragged about how much longer I was breast fed milk than the other mothers, or even when my pants were pulled down during lunch in my middle school lunch room, exposing the groin area for a few seconds. It was the type of embarrassment that made my body unresponsive and sluggish. My eyes looked down on the floor and I was frightened to look up at Dwaine.

The car ride home was slow – it was as if the executioner pointed a gun right at my head, and he (or she) didn’t pull the trigger only to add suspense. The eternal feeling of being caught swept over me like inundated houses overflowing with water from a tsunami. My chest was heavy and I took short breaths. I sat with my head down and I didn’t move an inch until we arrived at the complex; the place I thought would be the end of my freedom and a beginning of a life in juvie.

Dwaine told both of us to go to Lenny’s room. We both acquiesced and crept towards the room looking down at the rug. Judgment was approaching and I had no trial by jury. I had no one to defend my case. Lenny told me not to worry and to go to sleep, but it wasn’t that simple. I laid silently as Dwaine came over to Lenny’s room.

“Lenny, come to my room, now,” Dwaine ordered.

Lenny, who was shaking as much as a coffee addict, slowly stepped towards his father’s voice into a room much like one in which prisoners are interrogated. Each step created a small creaking sound that was magically amplified to increase the suspense. Lenny stopped in front of his dad in a mournful position, bowing his head down, not in any deference to his father, but for the shame and dishonor he had. His dad shut the door, leaving me alone to wonder. What am I going to do? I asked myself silently. A few moments later, I heard whipping and whacking noises as well as violent screams coming from the other side of the door. One could describe this event as a fatal beating, but I can tell you it was far worse. This was the ass whopping moment of the century.

Lenny’s cries and shrieks stopped after his father yelled his final contentious words.

“Now Lenny, if I ever, and I mean ever, catch you stealing again, then you will never see the light of day,” the voice of a barbarous, yet didactic parent said.

Lenny left the room and went straight to the restroom to ease his pain. I knew that my turn was coming. Dwaine approached me and began to speak in a softer, gentler voice that cooed like a bird.

“I know that Lenny is manipulative and allows people to fall for his mistakes. I am not going to tell your parents, Jeremy. I know you would never do this if you had never met Lenny. You’re a good kid, and Lenny has to pay for his crimes,” Dwaine said.

My life had taken an unexpected turn. I was dumbfounded; my mind couldn’t wrap around Dwaine’s words. I was terribly confused at what Dwaine was saying. His reasoning, just as Lenny’s was, in a way, garbled. A part of me accepted his logic as truth and allowed the situation to be as if nothing had happened, but like a back itch, this did not feel right at all.

I spent another night over and I woke up to the sound of wood chopping. Lenny was outside, busy with his axe, working his muscles. I rushed outside to see what was going on.

“What are you doing Lenny? Did your dad ask you to chop wood?” I asked.

“No, I’m chopping wood for the winter,” He responded in monotone.

I sat down and watched Lenny struggle at each piece of wood. Lenny was not that great at lying. I knew Lenny to be very disobedient to his parents, but it all seemed like Lenny grew submissive upon his parent’s orders. My mouth was wired shut, so I was reticent and didn’t even try to talk to Lenny.

His dad came outside with a robe and slippers a while later.

“Lenny, what are you doing outside? You’re grounded remember?” Dwaine said with a thunderous voice.

“You told me to chop wood, remember?” Lenny yelled.

“Well, it’s cold outside. You better go inside where I can see you.” Dwaine was purposely being despotic to gain back control over Lenny.

            “I don’t care what you’re saying now, dad. I’m staying outside,” Lenny replied.

I walked inside in an attempt to stop myself from getting into some useless commotion. Both Lenny and Dwaine were idiots because neither could convince the other that their path of choice was right –both stubborn in their beliefs on the true values of life itself. I knew that Dwaine would keep his word by denying my part on the matter of what happened at Fry’s. There was nothing to worry about, nothing to fear anymore. And I moved forward, just as life moves on. Lenny continued to yell at his father, even louder as the wind picked up.

Back in the house, I went into the restroom and gazed at myself in the mirror. The reflection looked peaceful, yet the face couldn’t stop its head from shaking. I spit into the sink and then washed my mouth. I splashed water in my face and then wiped it off with a towel. I looked up again and stared at myself. There was nothing in my reflection and I couldn’t stop but feel neutral. Simply neutral. Nothing had happened and nothing ever changed. Sure, I learned a lesson, but I no longer have any opposition for what I did.  It never occurred to me ever again.