Fantasy Girl

       I woke up at nine this morning and got out of bed
really fast. I got to sleep in a little later than
usual because it’s a weekend, but not as late as I
would have liked to sleep in because I have work. I
was brushing my teeth and my little sister, Scout,
came into my room.
       “Lola, wanna watch some TV with me?”
       “Howd on I gotta finsh brshng mahy teef.” It’s really
hard to talk with a mouth full of toothpaste and spit.
       “Okay I’m gona go to the TV room meet me there.” And
she wandered out. I looked in the mirror then spit
into the sink, rinsed my mouth with water, smiled in
the mirror and went to the TV room. She was watching
“Dora The Explorer”. I sat down next to her and leaned
against a pillow on the couch. That show was so weird.
I never understood the appeal of shows like this. I
guess I woulda understood it if I was a little kid.
       Dora, where are we going? This is fun. Maybe we
should go to that tree under there or maybe we should
color or play dress up. I’m hungry. Let’s go make some
food oh look there’s a fridge. I hope there’s juice,
apple juice. I love apple juice. What kinda juice do
you like Dora? Wow this juice is good. Let’s skip, I’m
glad you like apple juice too. Let’s run to on that
trail. That’ll be fun. Yes this is so fun, that juice
was so good, this trail is so good. I love it OH no
there’s my mom, run Dora! We have to hide before she
sees us running on the trail, run!!
       I stared down at Scout and blinked.
       “Running away from mom with Dora?”
       “Wha?”
       “Were you running away from mom with Dora?” I asked
again, smiling at Scout. She was confused. Since she
was so young she still didn’t get that her daydreams
flew into my mind and I saw them just as vividly as
she did. Scout made a weird face at me and told me she
needed to go to the bathroom. I laughed and got up to
go back to my room.
       I put on some jeans, black flats, a purple
long-sleeved shirt and a gray scarf. My hair looked
the same as it always did. It was black, long, and
boring. Whatever, it wasn’t very important to me. I
tied it up in a ponytail and grabbed my purse. I gave
Scout a kiss and said goodbye to my mom and left for
work.
       After waiting for almost ten minutes and listening to
the same song over and over on my iPod the bus finally
came. I got on and sat down.  There was no one else on
the bus so I sat in the back. The driver was a young
looking black guy with a hat on
and he stared at me when I got on. I didn’t look at
him until I was sitting down and could see his
reflection in the rearview mirror.
       Damn girl, you like that don’t you? Like it when I
kiss you like that. Touch on you. You want it…Say you
want it. If you ask real nice I’ll give it to you
good, but only if you ask reeeeal nice. Take off yo
shirt girl, damn you got nice tits…Real nice. You want
me to kiss your neck real soft? Like this? Yeah you
like it. Lemme take off yo pants, and yo panties. You
want me to touch it? Damn you so soft.
       The light turned green and he went.
       “What the fuck? What the fuck was that?”
       “What you talking about?”
       “Why the fuck were you just thinking about kissing
all on me and all that nasty shit?”
       “Girl you trippin’. The fuck is you talkin’ about?”
He sounded defensive but I could see his face in the
mirror and he looked confused.
       “Lemme off the bus.” I got off at the next stop. I
guess my job wasn’t so far that I had to take the bus,
I just didn’t like to walk there. I didn’t expect the
bus driver to start thinking all sorts of nasty
thoughts about me. Disgusting. People get lost in
their fantasies and forget there’s someone around
them.
       I got to work and clocked in. I worked at an ice
cream shop and it was boring as shit but paid pretty
well since I was the manager. I opened the shop at
10:30 by myself ‘cause my coworker was late. No one
came in for the first two hours. My coworker was an
hour late because she had a hangover and forgot to
wakeup.
       I had frozen and decorated four ice cream cakes by
the time the first customers showed up. It wasn’t even
a customer, it was a homeless looking man who asked
for a cup of water. I gave it to him and he left. It
was the most boring day at work I had ever been to. My
hungover coworker was complaining the whole day, and
no customers bought any ice cream. The homeless man
had come in and out asking for water about ten times.
       I left the ice cream shop at seven o’clock in the
evening. It was still light outside, and a lot of
people were walking around on the street. I decided to
walk home. As I was walking, I could feel someone
behind me. You know when you can feel someone looking
at you? That's what I felt. I stopped at the corner
like I was going to cross the street, and I hoped the
person would walk past me, but they stopped also. I
refused to turn around.
       Running and running and I'm catching up. You can't
get away, can you? I got the gun. All you have is your
feet. Ignore me as much as you want. This is going
down. It is. I'm gonna do this. No one can stop me.
Nothing can stop me. I'm. Not. Going. To be. Stopped.
Not this time. No.
       I looked over my shoulder, finallyand saw the
homeless man who had come in my job that day over and
over asking for water. I opened my eyes wide and took
out my phone. I dialed 911 and put my finger on the
call button, just in case, then sped up my walk. So
did he. I could hear his footsteps. I could hear what
he was thinking about. He was dreaming behind me, a
nightmare. I stopped walking again, and so did he.
There were butterflied in my stomach. Finally, I
turned around.
       “Are you following me?”
       “No, why?”
       “'Cause it seems like you're following me. Keep
walking if you're not following me.”
       “Ok.”
       I stood still and motioned for him to go ahead of me.
He grabbed his pocket and walked past me. I waited
until he was about forty feet in front of me then kept
walking towards my house, keeping a safe distance.
Eventually I turned a corner, and he had continued
going straight. Finally I felt safe. I paused at the
corner to change the song I was listening to, and take
a deep breath. I looked up and I was staring into a
barrell. I stared deep into it for what seemed like
ten minutes. My eyes slowly grazed upward past the gun
and to the man's face. It was the same man. I stared
deep into his eyes trying to find reasoning. My
stomach had dropped and I was pretty sure it was
underground at this point.
       “How's it goin?” he asked with a half smile on his
face. I was still staring into his eyes. I felt like I
should have been crying but my eyes were just as dry
as my throat. I couldn't answer. I just kept staring.
       “I asked you how it was going. Are you nervous? It's
ok. I'm not gona hurt you if you just listen to me.
Are you gona listen?” I blinked and opened my eyes
wider, hoping he would see my answer through them. I
couldn't speak. He put the barrell of his gun under my
chin and against my throat, and pushed my head up then
down to make it look like I was nodding “yes”.
       “Good. Good answer. Ok, now you're gona do the
following. Come this way.” He put the gun under his
sleeve and put his arm around my shouler. It looked
like he was just hugging me, but I could feel the gun
against my throat under his sleeve. I swollowed my
spit and walked with him. We went to a house. He
knocked on the front door and pushed me with his gun.
I bit my lip and squinted. Finally, I felt like I
could speak.
       “What are we doing? Where are we going? Where are you
taking me? Why did you follow me? What's going on?
What is going on? What's going on?” The questions
flouded out of my mouth, but I didn't sound panicked.
I looked up at him and I felt numb. He was numb. His
numbness was rubbing off on me, into me. In my voice
and in my eyes.
       “Shhh....” He said. Not looking at me, nothing
showing on his face. Finally he sat me down on the
floor and turned towards me. His face was gone. He was
just a body. He held up the gun and spun the part
where the bullets are. “This is gona happen. This is
gona happen whether or not you want it to. I go by the
place you work almost every day. I think you're
beautiful, but so unobtainable. I want to be able to
stare into your eyes whenever I please. I don't want
you to speak. I don't want you to think. I just want
you to be here with me.”
       He pulled the trigger. Empty. Pulled it again. Empty.
Tears finallybegan streaming out of my eyes. Pouring.
I had nothing to say. I felt helpless. He was playing
games with me. He was playing games with my life. He
pulled the trigger over and over. I knew the bullet
was coming soon. Finally he shot me. He shot me right
through my heart. I could feel myself dying. I could
feel blood rushing frantically through my body. I
could feel it rushing up into my throat, and out of my
mouth. It spilled out through my lips and mixed with
my tears.
       She's here now. Here forever. I can keep her. I get
to keep her.
       I could hear his plans for me.
       “What's your name anyways?” he asked me.
       “Lola. Why, why, why are you doing this?” I stuttered
through my bloody lips.
       He kissed my bloody mouth, and I died. I had been
caught up in others’ fantasies for so long, I no
longer knew reality. In death my dreamworld and real
life were no longer separate factors. They were
combined into one, and I did not exist.