Will Kruse

            A Breath of Fresh Air

            I remember that day so clearly. The sky was dark and cloudy and rain was pouring sheets. When things like this happen it always seems to be that way. I should’ve known something bad was coming, I should have sensed it. They say dogs have such a strong nose, that we can smell trouble. But I say that’s wrong. If I had known what was going to unfold, I would not have jumped into the car that night. I was just a puppy then, and all puppies are naïve. I loved to ride in that truck; it’s such an indescribable feeling when you stick your head out of the window and your ears flap in the wind.

            With only thoughts of joy riding in my head, I obliged when my grimy, shady owner told me to get in the car. I only call him grimy looking back though. I loved him once, and I would have done anything to be by his side. That’s all in the past however, I hate him now for what he did to me, and I hate him with every hair on my body.

            I can still remember the sound of his truck rumbling to a start. That rumbling haunts me in my dreams now. No more dreams of bones, squirrels, or kibble, Just nightmares of rumbling.

            As we started off down the street, he rolled down my window and everything appeared to be routine. I stuck my head out, my tongue flailing in the wind, the rain beating against my face in a rhythm so soothing I soon closed my eyes. When I opened them a moment later I had no idea where we were. My instincts were failing me and nervousness so subtle I barely noticed it, crept up on me. He never did this; we always went on the same drives day after day, the same lefts, and the same rights. Nonetheless, here we were, driving down a strange road in a strange neighborhood.

            When he slammed on the brakes, I knew my life was going to change drastically that night. Maybe now my dog instincts were kicking in, because I knew without a doubt something was happening, something terrible. My owner got out of his seat, slamming his door behind him, and trudged through the rain towards the passenger side. I sat very still, my head cocked slightly to the left in confusion, taking in this bizarre scene. Before I knew what hit me, my filthy, scumbag of an “owner” took me by the scruff of the neck and tossed me harshly to the side of the road. Without looking back, he drove off into the rain.

            When he tossed me out of the car, I flew literally head over tail and landed on the curb. Upon impact I scraped my nose but bounced right back. As the exhaust from his truck filled my nose, my stomach dropped ten feet. I couldn’t believe this was happening, not to me! I’m man’s best friend. I’m loving, and caring, and so easy to cuddle. I got a warm fuzzy feeling when I thought about this, I always do. I’m proud of, what humans call my “cuteness.” That warm fuzzy feeling soon turned to absolute panic however. I was alone, wet, and scared.

            The rain was pouring even harder now, and chills ran all the way down my spine. I stood silently for a second, the only sound coming from my swishing tail. Even that soon stopped though. What was there to wag my tail about? What am I going to do? I thought hard for a few minutes, trying to fight back the panic that had seized me. Then I did the only thing I could think to do. I barked. I barked the loudest and longest I had ever done in my life.

            It seemed like it was hours and hours of barking, but who knows how long it really was until curious heads started poking out of covered windows and locked doors. When I saw the first light appear, my heart leaped but I was only met with sharp glares and shaking heads. I tired not to be discouraged, but it was raining even harder now, and my bark was becoming a raspy baritone that translated into sheer desperateness. I had been barking for who knows how long now, and I needed to take a break. After one more loud and hopefully obnoxious bark, I sit down on the cold, wet sidewalk.  At that moment on that stormy night, I had the first chance to really reflect on the reality of my situation.

            My owner left me.  I was alone, and it was dark and the rain clouds clashed together in their ever-increasing battle. My thoughts kept going back to the warm house that we had just left only a few hours ago. A warm cozy bed, the everlasting water bowl, yummy food, it all seemed so far away now and with this realization, I decided to continue my barking. This time however, it got louder, my desperateness increased. Soon, I was barking with so much force and energy, I found myself getting faint, my barking soon slowed, becoming much quieter. This wasn’t good, none of this was good. Soon, my body gave into the fatigue and cold and with a last whimper I laid down in defeat. With my body curled in a ball, and my tail resting on my nose, I finally allowed my eyes to close and all my problems were soon washed away in dreamland.

            “Hey, what’s that over there?”

            “I think it’s a dog, it looks cold, it’s shivering all over. Poor thing.”

            I awoke to the sun shining in my eyes and voices coming increasingly closer. I opened one eye and scanned the horizon looking for the targets. When I spotted them coming out of a house and crossing the street, I opened the other eye.

            “It’s alive. Should we go over there?”

            “I don’t know, it could bite us. We should be careful.”

            Bite you? Are you serious I thought to myself. I don’t bite, and even if I wanted to, I have barely enough energy to lift my head up. I attempted to put on the saddest expression I could, widening my eyes and looking at the ground. Then I threw in a few whimpers for an added special effect. It seemed to have worked because they instantly rerouted their course and came hurrying over to where I lay.

            “Aww he’s so cute! He looks exhausted though, what should we do?”

            “Well we can’t keep him, that’s for sure. I’m too busy with work to worry about some stray dog. I have goals in mind, and my path to achieving them honey, does not include a stray dog. Sorry.”

            “But Robert, we can’t just leave him here. Look at him. He’s helpless, he’s alone, and he’s probably really hungry.”

            When I heard the word “hungry” my ears perked up and I looked expectantly at the crouching couple. I have to admit, I have a skill of charming people when I need to, and without a doubt some charming was necessary. I gingerly got up from where I had slept and gave the woman a huge slobbery kiss on the cheek.

            She laughed and exclaimed, “Look, he likes me! Robert, puuuhleeze. We have to at least bring him off the streets and then we can figure out what to do. Please, do this for me Robert. I don’t ask for much, you know that.”

            I carefully watched while the couple argued back and forth for what seemed like an eternity. While they bickered, I was elated. This is farther than I thought my barking would ever get me. But honestly, I wasn’t too worried. How could anybody put me out in the cold? I’m so damn cute. To try and seal the deal, I mustered what little strength I still had left in me and put on the saddest most heart wrenching expression I could. When I did this they stopped dead mid-sentence. The woman kept on staring at me, but Robert quickly looked away. They sat in silence like this for a while until finally the man broke it, “You know what Mary? Fine. You win. We’ll keep him for now but I don’t see how we could possibly take care of him. And while he’s in our home he’s your dog, not mine”

            The woman jumped in joy and I joined her there flipping my body in the air like a salmon out of water. While we did our celebration dances, Robert slipped away without another word. He glided to his car, his head held high, and his gait strong and purposeful. When he got to his fancy Porsche, Robert slammed the door behind him and sped off with a roar of the engine.

            When the leaves and dust settled, it was Mary and I alone in the middle of the street. My tail was wagging so hard it felt like it was going to fly off. I bounded up to Mary and jumped up on her, attempting to translate my appreciation. However, when our eyes locked, I saw something that surprised me. There was an unmistakable emptiness in her gaze that followed the path of the departed Porsche. A sadness radiated from those hazel eyes unlike I had ever seen before. I was caught so off guard that the only thing I could think to do was to give her a huge slobbery kiss across the face. The wetness must have interrupted her thoughts because all of a sudden she noticed me, and suddenly I was looking at a completely different woman.  

            I followed her back up their path and into their house, all the while still wagging my tail. Once inside, I began to soak in my new surroundings. It was a huge house, with rooms for as far as the eye could see. On instinct my nose hit the ground and I was off, racing around the house checking out every single trail of scent. After I had gone through about four rooms, I crossed through the atrium and into what smelled like the kitchen, as a huge tide of food scents hit me all at once.

            I was so wrapped up in my discovery of the kitchen, that I ran right into Mary at full speed nose first. She was sitting on the floor with her back up against the wall. That look of emptiness and sorrow occupied her face once more, but this time it was even more noticeable. When she saw me no smile appeared, and when I looked into her eyes they were completely glazed over, not seeming to take in much. What I saw next broke my heart. Mary was clutching a bottle so tightly in one hand that her knuckles were white. In her other hand was a bottle of pills. All kinds of warnings littered the label. I knew this situation was no good, that I had stumbled into the life of a very sad and depressed woman, and my instincts were telling me it was up to me to save her. Perhaps fate had brought me to her today.

            While I was pondering how I could help Mary, I saw her out of the corner of my eye opening the bottle. It was time for me to act; I pounced quickly as I could on her stomach and began licking away at her face. My surprise attack knocked the bottle of pills out of Mary’s hand and sent them scattering everywhere. I was determined to get a smile of this poor desperate woman, and so I kept on licking. And let me tell you, these were no wimpy kisses. These were full-on slobbery love smooches, and judging by the look on her face, they were entirely unexpected. The shocked look quickly turned to childish glee however. Then came the laughter. This woman laughed like I had never heard anyone laugh in my whole life. It came from her gut and it was loud, resonating throughout the kitchen. It was hard to believe that moments ago this same woman was attempting suicide.

            Before I knew what hit me Mary had started to wrestle with me, still laughing her heart out. After assessing the delicate situation I decided it was in her best interest if I played along. I bowed to her before bounding off around the corner of the sink that stood as in island in the middle of the kitchen. She got up hurriedly and started to chase after me. The game was on, and I started to pick up speed as I ran around in a big circle. As I tried turning the corners tightly, my paws slipped out from underneath me from the hardwood floors and I spun out of control hitting the wall. It was then that Mary caught up with me, ending our game of tag.

            Then she spoke, “I’m gonna call you Buster!” The words were unexpected and slightly tainted by alcohol. “You know Buster, this is the most fun I’ve had since I married that…that guy.” Her voice trailed off in what was obvious sadness. She continued her one sided conversation, “He promised so much. He promised more money than we could ever spend, all the happiness and success that I longed for when I met him last year. But none of that’s happened. Maybe I was just naïve to think it would come instantly, but look at me. Before you showed up in my life, all I could think about was getting out of this relationship, of life. You see, I would never be strong enough to get a divorce, not with my family and his family, and his ambitions. The man is ambitious, I’ll give him that, but I feel so forgotten. So if I couldn’t get a divorce, I convinced myself I didn’t want to live. Now it doesn’t make so much sense…” Her voiced trailed off again. It was a nice feeling to be able to listen to someone confide in you, so I continued to lie down with my head between my paws and my ears cocked.

            “I love him, I do. He’s a good person, but I can’t stand the way things have been going. He’s never home. Never. And when he is home, well, he’s always asleep, or grumpy, or lost in his piles of paper. It’s like I don’t even know Robert anymore. I just want to be happy. Buster, that’s all I want. But he can’t see past his work. He can’t see past anyone but himself.” It had been a long exhausting day for me, and I couldn’t help but close my eyes and relax my body. Soon the world’s smells and sounds around me melted away into nothingness, and much needed sleep enveloped my body.

            When I awoke the next morning, it was to the sounds and smells of heaven. Lazily, I opened one eye and surveyed my surroundings. Mary was standing at the stove cooking what appeared to be eggs and bacon. It was light outside and I realized I must have slept all day and all night. I guess I had been one tired dog. With a renewed sense of energy, I opened my other eye and popped up on all fours. My legs were stiff from the long hours of sleep, so with an audible groan I bowed to no one in particular, stretching them. Mary realizing for the first time I was awake, turned around and with a noticeable lightness in her voice, sang, “Gooood morning Buster.”

            It was hard to believe that this was the same woman who lay depressed on the floor the day before. With my tail wagging, I made my way over to where she was standing by the stove and stuck my snout in the air. I did this to point to the fact that I still hadn’t eaten anything in over a day. I barked a low rumbling, “Woof,” just so she would get the message. Sure enough Mary looked into my eyes and said, “I bet you’re a hungry dog. Here you can have some of my eggs.” She placed eggs and bacon in a bowl and set it on the floor in front of me. I inhaled those eggs so fast that when she turned around again a few seconds later, they were gone. “Wow, you were pretty hungry boy. You poor thing, I can’t believe someone would just abandon you like they did. People like that make me sick.” I couldn’t have agreed more with her. It still makes me sick to think about that bastard. “Come on Buster, let’s go for a walk. I’m dying to get out of this house.” With the word walk, my ears shot up like a rocket upon lift off and I happily bounded up to her. Launching onto two feet I placed my paws on her chest and licked her face. The slobber sent her into hysterics and in return she scratched behind my ears sending tingles up and down my spine. There is nothing better than a good scratch behind the ears.

            I followed her out of the kitchen and then out of the house. The fresh air washed over my body, and the hot sun warmed my fur. This new life I had so surprisingly come across was making me realize that it is the little things in life that need to be appreciated. Then the thought hit me and I stopped dead in my tracks. The solution to Mary’s problem was just that. She needed to see the joy in the small pleasures that are so often overlooked. For the first time, the flowers seemed brighter, the sun seemed warmer, and the sky bluer. Life all of a sudden wasn’t a routine, it was an adventure.

            My new mission it seemed was to make Mary realize this too. If she could see the beauty in the smaller things, she wouldn’t spend her life lonely in a big house waiting for a husband who was too caught up in success to know she was even alive. I had become so caught up in my new realizations that I hadn’t noticed that Mary was a block ahead of me calling my name. To catch up I broke into a gallop with my tongue hanging out of the side of my mouth. When I caught up with her I decided to keep running. I shot past her like a bat out of hell and turned the corner. I slowed down and looked behind me hoping that she would be chasing me. Sure enough Mary was in a full sprint and gaining fast. As we ran down the silent street, I couldn’t help but notice how all the houses were exactly the same, right down to the lawns and cars in the driveways. This was sure a strange place. It’s like everyone was living the same, cookie cutter life, destined to greed and self-centeredness. I had to save Mary from this. I had to show her what life was really about.

            Still at a gallop, I stuck my nose in the air searching for a familiar scent. Then almost as if it had been placed there by a higher power, the local botanical garden appeared on the next block. It seemed a little out of place in this depressing wasteland but it was exactly what I needed to save Mary. I made a sharp right into the garden and stopped dead amid the flowers. Panting, I saw Mary enter the garden hesitantly. When she saw me, she approached with a grin on her face, “Buster, you’re quite the dog. I had no idea this place even existed. Look at all these flowers. They’re amazing, I’ve never really seen anything quite like it.” Flowers and plants of all sizes and colors protruded from the ground for as far as the eye could see. I lied down, exhausted from the run and contently placed my head between my outstretched paws. Mary decided to do the same and took a seat next to me. As she observed the diverse layout of life that surrounded her, she softly stroked my head. She gazed intently at the flowers and it was obvious she was in deep thought.

            Without warning she began thinking out loud, “I’ve never seen such a display of beauty before. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I was outside like this. Ever since we moved into this neighborhood, into that house, all I have done is drink my sorrows away. Life wasn’t as boring when I was drunk, and the days weren’t so long when I could pass out in the afternoon. But Buster, look at this. Look at what I’ve been missing. The sheer beauty of these flowers, the sun shining so bright.” She chuckled softly to herself. “God, you would think I had never been outside before, but it kind of feels like that to me. I’ve been missing out on so much.” While she was talking, I was looking into her eyes and I could sense sincerity. I could tell something had hit her. Something had changed.

            Then it came. What I had been waiting and hoping for flooded out of her like a broken dam. “Is this the life for me? Buster, I may hate myself for saying this but what if this life I have isn’t for me. Look at Robert, how caught up in himself he is. All he can think about is making money and climbing the success ladder. That’s not for me. I don’t know how or what, but something needs to change. I mean, I nearly killed myself yesterday. If that’s not a sign that change needs to happen, I don’t know what is.” She looked at me again and then gazed off into the flowers.

            After what seemed like hours of silence and near-meditation in the garden, Mary got up and with renewed self-confidence started to leave. I followed her and we walked side by side in peace until we got back to her house. When we were home, I passed the time by lazily wandering around the house, exploring its various rooms. When it was finally dark out, I climbed into Mary’s big comfy bed, curled up and fell into a deep sleep. 

            When I awoke, it was still dark outside, and Mary was lying in bed with me. I heard the front door open quietly, and Robert tiptoed quietly into the bedroom. He was in his suit, and had dark lines underneath both of his eyes. Silently he undressed and climbed into bed. There was no recognition of the slumbering Mary, just a sharp glare in my direction. I growled and he quickly looked away. His snores soon filled the room, and soon after, mine did too.

            The morning came quickly enough and brought along with it a screaming match. The loud yelling was coming from the kitchen, and sleepily I jumped off the bed to investigate. Mary was sitting down on a chair, and Robert was standing near the stove.

            “What do you mean ‘You’re leaving?’ You can’t leave me. Every thing you have is because of me”

            “But Robert, I’m not happy, I haven’t been happy since we moved into this godforsaken neighborhood. The fact that you haven’t even noticed my unhappiness is reason enough for me to leave. All I’ve been doing is getting drunk off my ass and passing out in the afternoon.”

            “I don’t care what you do during the day. I’m working my ass off to support us. We live in this house with everything we could ever want and it’s all because of me. For you to leave, well, it’s just not happening.”

            “Do you know what I did yesterday? Of course not. You never ask, because you don’t care about anything or anyone but yourself. For your information, I took Buster for a walk and we ended up in a garden. I saw things I forgot existed. Beautiful things that made me smile were everywhere.  There is so much in this world I’m missing out on, and I’m done with my unhappiness. I want to live life as an adventure, not one big long drunken stupor.” I had been listening to this argument in the doorway up until this point, so I ventured up to her side and took a seat next to her. She patted my head a few times, and said, “I’m leaving you. It’s the end of the line. Buster and I are leaving and I’m going to experience what I have not been able to do since I married you: enjoy life.”

            “And then what? Where are you going to go? You have nothing without me. You are nothing without me.” His eyes burned red with anger. Finally it dawned on him what was happening, how Mary had been feeling. It was too late for him though, because as I was watching this man breakdown, Mary was packing her bags.

            “I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back. I’m sorry it has to be like this Robert but I have to do this. I have to be happy or I wont be able to live. Come on Buster. You’re coming with me.” When she called me, I obediently ran after my new owner and we walked out the door and into the brightly shining sun. Things were going to get interesting for us, but we had each other. In fact, we saved each other.