Sally sold seashells down by the seashore. She sold these seashells out of desperation. She sold these seashells just to get by. Selling seashells was only one of her many jobs. Sometimes she would put her ear up to the shells and listen for the sea. But all she heard was people passing by.
He could have convinced anyone of anything. In fact, bullshitting was what he did best. Now, I’m only speaking in the past tense to get used to the fact that I will have to be soon. Yes, yes my friend, Blake Donaven will die. I’m surprised he hasn’t already. If he’s out, you can bet your money he’s doing something bad. “Bad” seems like such a general word, but upon closer inspections, “bad” is perfect. Because his negative actions have such a broad range, bad is the best category to put his behavior in. Now, I still love him of course. His intelligence dazzles me. His arrogance disgusts me. His experiences enlighten me and his heart is too cold to touch.
Little Sue and her brother Billy were digging for gold. It was a sunny Sunday, and birds chirped all around as the brother and sister dug around their mother’s gardenias. Billy hit something hard with his shovel and began to dig it out. Little Sue thought it was a genie lamp, and it was. Their eyes opened with excitement as they rubbed the tarnished golden treasure. Then, out came a genie. The genie told them they each could make two wishes, and Billy asked why they couldn’t make three wishes, because in the movies, it’s three. Then the genie got angry and told him this wasn’t a movie.
The yells and threats were all that she knew now. He made her feel like the instigator, when all she was was the victim. Apparently she didn’t love him enough, so that’s why he was so harsh. But now she was his. Her freedom vanished along with her last name. She was no longer independent, but permanently attached to someone that didn’t know the meaning of love.
Sometimes they were happy, but those times were rare. When they did occur, however, she would stare into his eyes and glide her fingertips over his face in an effort to remember his innocence so she could preserve it in her mind.
It took Sam his whole life to realize how insignificant he was.
The Traveler
There once was a fool on the streets. He smoked filters and tapped his feet. He would sit there and sew, but no on could know that he wasn’t really a fool at all. He was just a pilgrim time warped to the twenty first century. Poor pilgrim.
It was like one of those songs that they play on a season finale of your favorite show when the character that you feel like you know dies. In fact, it was one of those songs and it did make me cry. One of those songs that you could never get sick of, and one of those songs that you know every word to. My mother had two songs that she wanted to be played at her funeral. That one, and another.
“Do you throw eggs?” He looked down at the 5th graders.
“Yeah we do!” The small child was obviously compensating for his size because he clearly didn’t throw eggs. Only big kids threw eggs.
“Oh yeah? Then do it. Here.” Barley pulled out handfuls of eggs from his pocket and held them out to the younger kids. There were three. Two boys were the same size, but the third was so small he could fit through the doggy door. They didn’t throw eggs. They were way too young. Little Javin took a deep breath as he spotted a car. It was old. He could hear the creaking and hooting from all the way down the block. He chucked the egg at the car, completely expecting to miss.
SPLAT!! Yolk splattered onto the car’s windshield and the squeaking car swerved into a ditch.
“I’m too old for this…and aren’t you, too? Come on man, let an old automobile like me stay clean for one day? That’s all I ask!”
Javin peed his pants. “I I I…I,” he studdered as the car was standing on its feet now, looking down at all the mischievous little boys. “I didn’t think I would hit you, I’m sorry, I have never thrown eggs before.”
“Go pick on somebody your own size.” Windshield wiper fluid squirted from the car’s eyes.
“Here, don’t cry! I have a tissue.”
Babies
“She had dolls. I mean lots and lots of dolls. Not those pretty porcelain ones in the flowery dresses that sit on a stand all day long. No, siree! The baby ones that little girls like to pretend are theirs for keeps.” His overalls sent a pungent aroma of farm animal across the room that was apparently more pungent than coffee because it was obvious that all the children in the café could smell it.
“This here lady was crazy. Now there are lots’a crazies in this here world, but this lady was the kinda crazy that you just don’t want hangin’ round if ya know what I mean.” Chuckles rolled out of his mouth.
“They all had names. I gone lost count of ‘em all. But I know she had tons of ‘em. One, she like to call Billy. He had red hair and freckles and then there’s Haley, who pooped her diaper all the damn time – according to the crazy lady, of course. The twins came out a lot, too. They was always matching. And her favorite was called Hollows, named after her dead lover. Hollows would never be in the stroller, always in her arms.” The farmer man wiped his nose with the back of his hand and scratched at his balding head.
“Anyhow, this crazy lady really believed all these baby dolls were her children. She would just take ‘em out. She’d talk to them, feed them and really carry them around town.”
“What a crazy freak!” A little boy said with his arms crossed.
The man’s face changed; it twisted and turned red. The man seemed as if he was about to yell but instead, spat fire. The children screamed and scattered.
She was allergic to everything. Strawberries made her mouth itch, and so did carrots. Buckwheat made her vomit and feel dizzy. The wrong kinds of metal made her skin peel, and nuts were obviously out of the question.
Nobody knew why she barked all the time. Some thought it was a pain she was feeling, something the vets never detected. Others thought she was just a depressed dog. It was like this whiney whimper that never left your ears untouched. She wanted to make a point, and she wanted you to listen.
I realized that she was probably trying to tell us something. But she had food, water, a nice doggy bed…what more could a dog want, right?
So anyway, my aunt had given me these headphones for Hanukah, the DOGGYLISTENER3000, and when you put them on, you can hear what the dog is really saying. My aunt looked kind of like a dog, so this gift did not surprise me.
I didn’t believe in the stupid toy, until I tried it, that is. But after putting the earphones on, I could hear perfectly what she was saying. And her voice definitely didn’t sound like a her…in fact, it sounded like the GEICO lizard, which is odd, considering my dog isn’t Australian. All she, or he, wanted was some lovin’.
“I can’t do it!”
“Kaylin…we made a pact. I’m not letting you back out now. Just don’t look down!” Isabel stood, back to the open sky with her short choppy hair dancing on her head. She let herself fall out from the plane, blowing a kiss up to her terrified sister.
“Just breath,” she mumbled to herself. Kaylin could feel her hands squeezing the handles for dear life. Then she told them to let go and they did. Her body flew from the plane like spit out food. Limbs flailed and wiggled and Kaylin did not know up from down.
Oh my God I’m going to die and I know my parachute just won’t open and oh my god I’m just tumbling in this open blue air and I see green and it’s getting closer. Please open parachute. I can’t die right now. I’m still a virgin!
But as the man fell to the ground he realized they could not have been having any sexual relations because it was her brother. He shot them both. He pushed the door open and saw his wife and another man sitting on the bed. Stupid bitch. His wife didn’t even know he owned this gun. The talking grew louder. He slowly tip-toed upstairs. He could detect no moaning, but faint whispers and giggles. Noticing that the upstairs lights were on, he felt it was safe to open the back door. It was not his, and obviously not his wife’s. A leather jacket hung from the chair. He crept up to the back door. He put his hands up to the window and peered in. Ron parked his car down the street, avoiding the possibility that he would be seen. It was a crisp Tuesday morning, approximately eleven o’clock. He would come home during the day and if he saw her with another man, he would kill them both – no questions asked. This plan was simple, and easy. He thought she was sleeping around while he was at work. Ron had been suspicious for a while. He knew his wife was cheating on him.