The Real World
(The alarm buzzes.)
John swings his arm over, knocking the alarm clock onto the ground (but still managing to hit the snooze button).
(Eight minutes later the alarm starts to buzz again.)
John swings his arm over, this time catching nothing but air.
(Stupidly, John attempts to go back to sleep even though the alarm is blaring at him to get up.)
John swings his arm over (no clock), and falls to the ground.
Thud (it's not possible to make the sound John made).
“MOTHER AEHTOIEGHTOIAESGHTOIESGHT”
John opens his eyes. Through his blurry eyes he can see the clock's blinking red letters. 8:15 (school starts at 8:29).
“Oh holy heavens,” John squeals, as he thrusts himself off the floor and hurries to get clothes on (well hello ladies).
John pulls on a t-shirt reading, “Wanna kick it?” in case he sees that girl at school again, and a pair of brightly colored shorts, (the kind white people wear when they go golfing). He then proceeded to rush down the stairs, missing his mom by an inch as she was climbing up them. As he passed the living room, he could hear the T.V. “And this BEAUT, Mary Ann, I CANNOT beeeeelieve they put this on teleeeevision. An eight, I'll repeat that again folks, an EIGHT millimeter round ruby. You CANNOT get this anywhere else.” (At this point John is too tired to realize the importance of this ruby, but he soon will.)
John rounds his way into the kitchen, he makes one lap around the island picking up a Toaster Pastry, then on his second lap placing it in the toaster, and on his third managing to press down the button and start it cooking. He then rushes back upstairs to make sure that his things are packed. Spanish, yes, Physics, yes, Human Anatomy, yes, Astronomy, yes, African American Economics, yes, Chinese Language, yes (don't worry about it).
He grabbed his backpack and threw it over one shoulder (still open of course), and ran back down stairs. The Toaster Pastry hadn't popped out yet, he still had some time to kill. He scoured the house for a small vitamin water that he could use to wash down the warmth of the Toaster Pastry.
Ding (toaster).
John slid over to the pastry (he has socks on) picked it up, and continued out the door – remembering at the doorstep that he had no shoes on when he noticed his feet were cold. John dropped everything, grabbed the nearest shoes and was back where he had started.
At the side of his house he parked his bike (a nice one, but not the one he especially wanted). John pulled out his ipod, unlocked it, pressed play (Brittney Spears – Piece of Me, a good song for when you need to get something done), hopped on the bike, and he was off.
(It was maybe 8:22 now.)
He stopped at nothing. John was going to make it to school on time.
The light in front of him was turning red; he changed directions to go along with the green light and scooted over towards his actual direction (illegal, but usually no one is pulled over for doing it).
As John nears the school Baby Got Back (a Sir Mix-A-Lot classic) comes up on his ipod – a great inspirational song.
John floats past the green gates located on Allston way. He tries to make out the bike rack to see which spaces are open for him to jump into when he hears a yell that is muffled by Pieces of Me, “GET OFF YOUR BIKE.” (Ms. Frey, ha.) There is no time to spare; John sprints for the rack.
Jumping off his bike a few feet before the rack, John is able to let the bike graciously glide into its resting place for the day (a hard feat to accomplish, one that many do not even attempt until well into their 30's – yet John is a master). John glances behind him (YOU AIN'T IT, MISS THING! GIVE ME A SISTER, I CAN'T RESIST HER – RED BEANS AND RICE DIDN'T MISS HER) and sees Ms. Frey speeding towards him. He could outrun her, but instead he just walks the opposite direction.
(One minute until the bell.)
“STOP!”
John slows down.
“STOP RIGHT THERE!”
John is strolling now (otherwise she wouldn't have caught him) when Ms. Frey comes up to him.
“I TOLD YOU TO GET OFF YOUR BIKE!”
John looks up at her and points to his ipod (Baby Got Back is still blaring out), “Couldn't hear you.”
(He starts off again towards class)
“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?”
“To class, you're making me late.”
“IF I HAD MY WALKIE TALKIE YOU WOULD BE GOING TO OCI!”
“Well ya don't.” John says, turning around for less than a second and speeding off towards Spanish.
(Nothing happens in Spanish.)
He walks towards Physics, narrowly avoiding a girl who gives him hugs at random (he still doesn't know her name – it's only been around four months, don't worry).
Upon entering physics he notices something strange about the room. It has a funky aura today. He sits down, Scotty following just behind.
John sits down (the seat sticks to his shorts, gum was placed there… although it has been awhile there is still some gunk left).
(15 minutes pass. While John isn’t looking Scotty steals John’s pencil)
“WHY AREN’T YOU TAKING NOTES, JOHN?” Mr. Science yells.
“My bad.”
John looks for his pencil, it is nowhere to be found. He tries to get up but the seat sticks to his shorts. The seat totters nearly bringing him down with it.
“JOHN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
John figures it’s obvious that he’s trying to find his pencil (when it's clearly not) he continues to look for it. Unsuccessful he finally just asks Scotty for one and gets back his original pencil.
(5 minutes pass.)
“Scott is this my pencil?”
“JUMENGA,” Scotty silently yells as he grabs John’s breast (yes, breast) swinging his arm violently from the left of his body (hard to picture, but it happens... on a consistent basis).
“JOHN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
John gets out of his chair, and walks out of the room, disgusted with the aura surrounding him.
Surprised that he actually walked out, he decides to go put in his contacts (the main reason he wasn’t taking notes was because he couldn’t see them, foolish).
On the way to the bathroom he sees that the teachers lounge is open. Peeping through the door he notices that Ms. Ramekez is taking a quick nap before her third period class. John is reminded of the time (last week) that he walked by and she was naked (but that’s another story).
Inside the bathroom John puts on his contacts.
(He then leaves the bathroom, bored.)
On his way out of the bathroom he notices a flashing light at the end of the hallway. John proceeds towards it. As he nears the object the bell rings and thousands of kids rush out into the hallway. Shit.
John runs back to physics, grabs his backpack, and hurries off to his math class – which although he hates, he still has to go to it.
After a solid 5 minute walk/run he reaches his classroom (a slight sweat on his forehead – a good thing for the ladies to show hes hard working). Mr. Bubbard is beginning his lecture on vectors when he pauses for a minute gathering himself.
“Now, there isn't many things that I get mad at... but cheating is one that REALLY PISSES ME OFF.”
“ONE OF YOU IS AN IDIOT, WHILE THE OTHER SIX ARE NO GOOD CHEATERS!”
MR. BUBBARD PACES AROUND FUMING.
“SIX OF YOU ARE CHEATERS. ONE OF YOU IS AN IDIOT!”
(To compare Mr. Bubbard bouncing around to something, the best simile would be comparing him to a glob of Jello on a plate being held by a boy with ADHD. The Jello nearly falls off the plate several times but somehow manages to stay on. That is what Mr. Bubbard looked like. Yes, it was hard for John to keep a straight face.)
“PLEASE DO YOUR OWN WORK!”
Mr. Hubbard then calls out the homework “cheater's” names and continues with his lecture laughing off his anger.
John looks down at his own paper that was handed back with a red “PLEASE DO YOUR OWN WORK” crossed out. Yeah, you better cross that out, I DO MY OWN WORK – YOU AIN'T READY FOR SUKKA FREE SUNDAY (a common holiday amongst youths).
(The clock strikes 12:00 signaling time for class to dismiss. Everyone, waiting for the clock to strike this vital number, scurry from the room.)
John gets lunch arriving late to his fourth period class by one minute (which is still a tardy. Late is late).
After eating his scrumptious Fred's sandwich a food coma hits John (yes, a food coma) and he promptly falls asleep.
He wakes up. Scotty is giving him a massage. John opens his eyes. He isn't in class anymore. He and Scott are atop a flying elephant. They are soaring through the skies together as Scotty gives him a massage. But it's not Scotty anymore. He doesn't know who it is. He suddenly wished Jacklyn was here. But who is Jacklyn? He didn't know who she was, but he was pretty sure that he wanted her here.
(Sharp pain in neck.)
John wakes up. Someone is giving him a massage. He opens his eyes – this time he's in class. He knows these hands, and this back massage (which hurts). Wiggling free from the grasp he looks back (Scotty).
“A CMON, GIVE ME A BREAK MARANN,” John yells at Scotty.
“OH WELLLLLL OK,” Scotty replies. “I was just trying to get you up so that you would get to your next class.”
“FINE.”
John runs (yet again) to his next class.
(Nothing happens.)
The bell rings. John runs to his last class.
(Nothing happens.)
The bell rings. John walks to the Senior Steps (where... nothing happens).
He then rides his bike home (fairly uneventful except for a blue Honda Civic nearly hitting him. But that isn't rare. Especially with those Civics). John works out a little (5 pound weights so he doesn't strain anything - NOT), listens to music (for ~5 hours), debates whether to do homework (during that 5 hours), and then falls asleep. (The ruby apparently had no purpose in the story, sorry.)