Remembering Today


Today I walk in the room and take the seat closest to the window and light up my spirit cigarette.
 The day seemed like it happened already. Like something bad happened.
Mr. Sun seems to be hiding today.
Today was an ugly day.
Today was shity but then one minute it’ll be like the best of days. For now I’m tripping because I bought my shoes too big. I don’t know why I got them I don’t like Velcro maybe mother bought them for me.
Today I met a beautiful tenderony that in the pharmacy aile. I don’t know what I’ll wear because I can’t get away from the color white.
Today I want to think for myself without being put under this ‘challenge my mind daily because I think im going insane test’. These people are like flys on pet poo, pest, they make me guess about myself. Self esteem decreases more and more. Too much on my plate to worry about the rest, so I telepath my guardian angel. She comes and listens she shows me my strengths and weakness. She told me ‘the grass is much greener on the other side’ what that means I live to know these things signs that come in my dreams are fascinating.
Today im a photographer snap snap snap shot of the world. My guardian angel told me ‘everything that glitters isn’t gold’ I don’t always believe what im told. Dreams are the best teacher. One time I had this dream I was invisible.It was like the wind was caring me to where I needed to be. I came to a white house with a red door and I floated threw the window. There I saw a young boy crying he was wearing a dress and make up. A woman walks threw the door with a iron and places it on the child's face. I began to scream stop at the top of my lungs. She didn't stop.
Today this know it all nobody wants to know where I came from and where I’m going to. She sits there like she’s really concerned. Like she’s really here for me. Like I’m one that needs help or attention. Shit her hair needs attention. Like seriously, im not here cause I want to be like I don’t remember why im here.
Today when I dream I will dream hard real hard. To go back and remember. The day I gave up. The day I became a nobody, a nobody, a nobody who wants somebody to care.
Today I don't want to talk about my dumb decisions. Thats why I don't never mentio6 n that day, the day my guardian angel brought back memories of my mother and me. I remember that day,mother gave me bruises where no one could see. Hurt me so bad I didn't want to breathe  but yet these nobody's want to know why, why,why did I do her like I did.What about me? I've been in this room for days,days,days and does any one ask how that feels?
Today I wish I was someone else. Someone that doesn't have to worry about losing themselves. Someone who doesn't forget their location, favorite color, or birthday. Sometimes I wander why my guardian angel lets these things happen to me. She knows so much about me and how much I hurt. Why should she be okay with that?
Today I found something out. I found out I can't take back tomorrow and I can't relive today so I must continue to find me. Today is still after tomorrow and still before yesterday. Today will always mark the day of my mothers death.